Why Men Love Bitches Summary and Analysis |  Sherry Argov

From Doormat to Dreamgirl―A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship

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DISCLAIMER: This is a critical unofficial analysis of Why Men Love Bitches. This work is not endorsed or supported by the author or the publisher in any way and falls under Copyright Fair Use.

Sherry Argov’s Perspective

Sherry Argov is the author of Why Men Love Bitches, and Why Men Marry Bitches. Her writing has appeared in countless magazines, including People, Vanity Fair, US Weekly, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Elle, Maxim, and Esquire. Her work has been featured nationally on the TODAY show, The View, MSNBC, Fox News Channel, and MTV.

She is also the producer of an international theater production. Her play topped the Billboard charts for seven consecutive years and has received critical acclaim.

Introduction

Why Men Love Bitches is a relationship guide for women who are too nice. The book’s message is that a bit of disrespect is necessary to have any self-esteem at all. This book isn’t about disrespecting other people but showing less care for what other people think.

The title and the content of Why Men Love Bitches address what many women think but don’t say. Every woman has felt embarrassed by appearing too needy to a man.

Why Men Love Bitches was named one of the “Ten Most Iconic Relationship Books of the Past Ten Years” by Yahoo. It was labeled “America’s Top Relationship Book” by Book Tribe as well. Her work is currently published throughout the world in over thirty languages.

StoryShot #1: What Does Argov Mean By a “Bitch”?

Sherry makes an important distinction between the negative associations with this word and Sherry’s definition of “bitch”. The author uses the word in a tongue-in-cheek way. The “bitch” that Sherry is talking about is not the stereotypical “bitch.” The woman that Sherry is describing in the book is kind yet strong. She has a subtle strength. She doesn’t give up her life passions, and she won’t chase a man. She won’t let a man think he has one hundred percent “hold” on her. She’ll also stand up for herself when he steps over the line. She knows what she wants but won’t compromise herself to get it.

Through this book, Sherry has illustrated why overcompensating always puts you at a disadvantage. Overcompensation is equal to desperation and can also show you are not comfortable being on your own. If you are concerned about showing your worth and how much you can offer a man, this indicates poor self-esteem. 

StoryShot #2: Nice Girls Are Treated Like Doormats

Everyone knows a “nice girl.” She is the woman who will overcompensate and is willing to give everything to a man without him having to invest much. This existence can be described as being like a doormat. Every woman, at some point, has been there. Sherry recommends adopting 100 attraction principles to start moving away from being a doormat and becoming a dream girl. In this summary, we are focusing on the nine most important principles.

StoryShot #3: Anything a Person Chases in Life Runs Away

Sherry builds on the idea of desperation by using an analogy. If you run after a man or a relationship with too much effort, this will only put him off. You can never assume you are putting enough effort in to receive his love. In fact, putting too much effort in will actually push him further away from you.

StoryShot #4: Avoid Becoming Needy 

Instead of being exceptional, women who are extremely popular with men are often the ones who don’t appear to care that much. Despite all the generic relationship books, relationships aren’t a game. They should not be a battle of those who can manipulate the other best. Instead, relationships are about whether you are needy or self-assured enough to show your worth. Showing a man that you will be an equal partner in a relationship, expecting and giving, is attractive. It shows you are capable of holding your own.

StoryShot #5: Don’t Be Scared to Say You Are Bored

To keep men interested, women have to provide a mental challenge. Being mentally challenging does not mean women should be verbally combative. Women should instead limit how much of themselves they are willing to give up for a man. 

The time you spend with a man is telling. After only one week, the “nice” girl will sit in a chair, watching a man do something that she finds utterly boring. For example, watching him playing a video game. She is miserable, but she won’t say anything to him. She puts up with this so that she can be in his company. The “bitch” won’t be scared to explain her boredom. This isn’t bad, as the man will now know he cannot walk all over her. 

StoryShot #6: Unpredictability Keeps Men Interested

As well as reacting to desperation, men will also push women to realize how much they are willing to do for them. They will push the boundaries of what they are allowed to do as well. If the woman reacts emotionally and always does so, then he’ll feel in control. If she is unpredictable, she will remain a mental challenge. This unpredictability will keep the man interested. When you become predictable, he’s more likely to give you the same type of love he had for his mother. So, the odds that he will take you for granted increase.

StoryShot #7: Learn How Humans Behave and React

The most important part of being a “bitch” is to learn how humans behave and react accordingly. One of the fundamental behaviors to understand is that men will always want what they can’t have. Men like women who are self-assured as well. So, women should not put themselves down. 

StoryShot #8: Maintain Your Confidence

Insecurity can make anybody look ugly. Even the most beautiful woman can look ugly if she has no confidence. As a woman, you should notice that a man pursuing you means he finds you attractive. Remember that and adopt a confident attitude. 

StoryShot #9: Don’t Use Self-Comparisons

As well as being self-confident in yourself, you must not compare yourself. Comparing yourself to other women is demeaning. This includes not telling men when you feel threatened by another attractive or impressive woman. 

StoryShot #10: Don’t Make Decisions Based on Fear

As a woman, it is crucial to understand that you can be nice, friendly, and feminine. When you appear softer and more feminine, you appeal to his instinct to protect. When you appear more aggressive, you appeal to his instinct to compete.

But, you only have to avoid making decisions based on the fear of losing a man. The difference between a “bitch” and a “nice girl” is not in their personalities. Instead, it is in their actions and their willingness to give themselves up. The “bitch” shows she’s not afraid to be without him.

StoryShot #11: Never Give Someone Full Devotion

Sometimes we love someone so much that we not only want to share everything with them but we also want to give up our entire life for them. This is a mistake. Full devotion to your partner will not make you a better girlfriend and will also remove the unique qualities that your partner was initially attracted to. A “bitch” will not surrender her own personality for her relationship. She will remain true to herself throughout her relationship. She won’t give up friends, and she certainly won’t give up her career or hobbies. A “bitch” also won’t give up her time to bend over backward for her man. The issue with giving up your hobbies and neglecting your friends is that you will be left disappointed when your partner does not make the same sacrifices. The reality is that your partner never expected you to make those sacrifices in the first place.

StoryShot #12: Set Terms and Conditions For Yourself

It is vital when you start dating someone that you let them know your time is precious. If they don’t make plans with you, you are not actually dating them. If they call you out of the blue and ask you to hang out, then say no. If you want him to start making plans with you, you have to set your terms and conditions at the beginning. If you have had a long day at work, don’t hang out with him. Tell him you need ‘me’ time.

If he is not good company, only talks about himself or acts rudely to people, you should leave immediately. You have to make it crystal clear what you will and won’t tolerate, including being rude, self-centered, or misogynistic.

StoryShot #13: Be Open to Receiving

In the beginning, men are always so accommodating. They are trying to impress you. But, do not respond at an equal level. If you start giving more than you receive, he’ll expect you to continue. He’ll continue to see how far he can push you by offering less and less. 

A simple example of this is if a man expects you to drive to see him all the time, rather than sharing the driving. If you feel like he is starting to put in less effort, pull back. Do less. You need to be open to receiving. Being open in this way will help you get what you want. Suppose he asks you to drive to his house and you think it’s about time he makes the effort. In that case, offer to meet him another night when it better suits him. Don’t act upset, and don’t give in to his requests.

You should not act like you are capable of making all decisions. Men like feeling manly which means they also like to call the shots. You can have total control over yourself and your relationship while also allowing your man some control. Suppose you have three summer holiday destinations you would be happy to visit. In this case, offer these options to your man and let him make the final decision. You still have control over your happiness but you are letting your man feel like he is calling the shots.

StoryShot #14: Actions Speak Louder Than Words

A wolf in sheep’s clothing will make themselves known quickly through their actions. Some men are just takers, abusers, and manipulators. They will talk and tell you everything you want to hear. But, they are really only there to get what they want, and then they leave.

Paying attention to a guy’s actions more than his words will help you find the princes and get rid of the pricks.

StoryShot #15: Don’t Nag Your Partner

Expressing your feelings when you feel taken for granted never works. 

Men are skilled at tuning women out when they ‘nag’. They pretend to listen but are not actually listening. But when you speak with your actions, he pays attention. When you feel like you’re being taken for granted, the best thing to do is back away. If you want to feel respected in a relationship, show them what they will be losing. Remind them that if they don’t treat you well, you won’t always be around.

Men are used to dealing with emotional women (like their mothers or sisters) who forgive them even if they yell at them. You have to let him know that this won’t be the case with you and give him the cold shoulder.

StoryShot #16: Self-Sufficient Women Will Attract the Right Partners

Most of us are guilty of fantasizing about wealthy lovers who shower us with gifts and cater to our every whim. But while that might appear like the relationship you’d want, it’s definitely not the one you need.

Having a partner that covers all your expenses might mean losing the most crucial aspect in life: your independence. This doesn’t mean your partner can’t buy you dinner or give you a thoughtful present now and then. But, make sure it is clear your man has no financial control over you.

After all, a self-sufficient woman can maintain her dignity. She can decide how she wants to be treated and has the power to leave any relationship that’s holding her back. A woman who puts herself first is also more likely to attract men that appreciate that. These are the men who can appreciate you for what you really are. These are generally the men who will enrich your lives.

StoryShot #17: The Bitch Stands Her Ground

Many strong women still find it difficult to assert themselves. Luckily, there are a few tricks we can use to ensure we stand our ground. What you shouldn’t do is “fake it ’til you make it.” Pretending to be confident, independent, and self-sufficient simply isn’t enough.

Many women often make the mistake of doing things with their partner to make them feel good. There is no reason for doing this. If one of you isn’t having a good time, then the experience will be ruined for both of you. So, you should stay in if you don’t feel like doing something. When doing this, though, you have to remember that men are fickle creatures. Being an independent woman might be helping the relationship do well, then he might start acting grumpy for no reason.

Men instinctively love the chase, which is why being a “bitch” is great. But, men also like to be a protector. Newfound independence might be threatening for your man. So, there’s nothing wrong with occasionally letting him be the man of the house. It will help him feel validated and give you more license to be yourself too.

StoryShot #18: Advice on Sex

You should always make a man wait for sex. Making him wait will mean you are perceived as more elusive and beautiful. He will also focus more on who you are as a person if you don’t dive straight into bed with him. The author interviewed hundreds of men for this book and most admitted that they are more attracted to a woman who makes them wait.

This book states men are not thinking clearly before sex, while women are thinking clearly. After sex, this reverses. So, women have to claim back this time of clarity. Prolong the period of not having sex, and you will be in control. He won’t be getting what he wants upfront. Sex will be something he thinks about secondary to you, rather than the other way round.

The token power position is to show public displays of affection. But, the true power position is for private viewing only. And this is the only one that matters. The element of surprise, both inside and outside the bedroom, is vital to men. It will also add to the excitement for you. So, don’t always do the same thing over and over in the bedroom. Vary it, so it doesn’t become a predictable routine.

Finally, a top-quality man will fantasize about a woman who genuinely loves sex. Men who fantasize about women who have sex for the man’s sake are not the men you want in your life. 

Final Review and Analysis

The ability to choose how you want to live and be treated are the two things that give you more power than any material object ever will. So, stop living on other people’s terms and become a “bitch.” Don’t become needy, don’t nag, and make your partner believe they have some control. That said, you must stand your ground and still maintain control even if your partner believes they are having the final say. By becoming a “bitch”, you can start attracting men who significantly improve your life while still maintaining your independence.

Criticism

It’s important to note that Why Men Love Bitches is meant to be a guide and may not necessarily apply to everyone’s experiences or relationships. Some people may find the advice in the book to be helpful, while others may disagree with the author’s perspectives.

It may reinforce gender stereotypes and promote a narrow view of what is “attractive” or desirable in relationships. The book is written from a heterosexual perspective and the advice is based on the premise that men are naturally more dominant and women are more submissive, which may not be true for all individuals or relationships.

The advice in the book should be considered in the context of your own values and goals. You should be careful not to compromise your own well-being in pursuit of any particular relationship dynamic.

Some readers may find the language and tone of the book to be confrontational or overly blunt. The author uses strong and direct language to make her points, which may not be to everyone’s taste.

Rating

We rate Why Men Love Bitches 4.2/5. How would you rate Sherry Argov’s book based on our summary?

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