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Why Men Love Bitches Summary by Sherry Argov

Book summary of Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl―A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship


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What is the Book About?

Why Men Love Bitches is a relationship guide for women who are too nice. The message of the book is that a bit of irreverence is necessary to have any self-esteem at all. Not irreverence for people, but rather, for what other people think.

The title and the content of Why Men Love Bitches address what many women think, but don’t say. Every woman has felt embarrassed by appearing too needy with a man or has had a man pursue her, only to lose interest the minute she gave in. These problems are common to most women, married and single alike.

This book addresses the very issues that men won’t. He won’t say, “Look, don’t be a doormat.” “Don’t always say yes,” “Don’t revolve your whole world around me.”

In Why Men Love Bitches, you’ll find one message coming through loud and clear: Success in love isn’t about looks: it’s about attitude. The media would have us believe differently.

About the Author

Sherry Argov is the author of Why Men Love Bitches, and Why Men Marry Bitches. Her writing has appeared in countless magazines including PeopleVanity FairUS Weekly, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Elle, Maxim, and Esquire. Her work has been featured nationally on the TODAY show, The View, MSNBC, Fox News Channel, and MTV.

Her first book Why Men Love Bitches was named one of the “Ten Most Iconic Relationship Books of the Past Ten Years” by Yahoo, and “America’s Top Relationship Book” by Book Tribe. A first-class theater production abroad, her first-class theater play has topped Billboard charts for seven consecutive years and has received critical acclaim.

Her work is currently published throughout the world in over thirty languages.

Summary of Why Men Love Bitches

Summary of Why Men Love Bitches

Who’s a “Bitch”?

An important distinction should be made between the pejorative way the word is usually used, and the way it is used here.

The word “bitch” in the title does not take itself too seriously. The author is using the word in a tongue-in-cheek way that is representative of the humorous tone of this book. The bitch that Sherry is talking about is not the “bitch on wheels” or the mean-spirited character that Joan Collins played on Dynasty. Nor is it the classic office bitch who is hated by everyone at work.

The woman that Sherry is describing in the book is kind yet strong. She has a strength that is ever so subtle. She doesn’t give up her life, and she won’t chase a man. She won’t let a man think he has a hundred percent “hold” on her. And she’ll stand up for herself when he steps over the line. She knows what she wants but won’t compromise herself to get it.

Sherry has illustrated why overcompensating always puts you at a disadvantage because it reeks desperation. Overcompensating can also show that you’re not comfortable with being on your own because you’re so concerned about the person you’re dating to see your worth through how much you can do for them.

From Doormat to Dreamgirl

Everyone has known a “nice girl.” She is the woman who will overcompensate, giving everything to a man she barely knows, without him having to invest much for her attention to be reciprocated.

She’s the woman who goes along with what she thinks her man will like or want because she wants to keep the relationship at all costs. Every woman, at some point, has been there.

Attraction Principles

I) Anything a person chases in life runs away.

This is especially true when it comes to dealing with a man. With one caveat: If you chase him in a black nightie, first he’ll have sex with you … and then he’ll run.

II) The women who have the men climbing the walls for them aren’t always exceptional. Often, they are the ones who don’t appear to care that much.

This isn’t about how to play a game or how to manipulate someone. This is about whether you are genuinely needy, or whether you can genuinely show him that you’ll be an equal partner in the relationship. It’s about whether you are capable of holding your own in a relationship.

III) A woman is perceived as offering a mental challenge to the degree that a man doesn’t feel he has a 100 percent hold on her.

A mental challenge has little to do with being verbally combative. It has to do with your actions and how much of yourself you are willing to give up.

Your time with him is telling. The nice girl sits in a chair after a week of knowing the guy, bored out of her mind as he does something that interests him. He may be watching sports on TV, cleaning his fishing gear, strumming his guitar, or working on his car. She is miserable but doesn’t say a peep. Instead, she tries to make the best of it and twiddles her thumbs politely, just so she can be in his company. The bitch, on the other hand, makes plenty of peeps. In fact, she is bitching the whole way through. This is not a bad thing, because then he knows he can’t walk all over her. But remember, a mental challenge has little to do with being verbally combative. It has to do with your actions and how much of yourself you are willing to give up . For example, he says he likes blondes. You have dark skin, dark eyes, and black hair. The next time he sees you, you’ve bleached your hair and dyed your eyebrows to match. Translation? He’ll sense he has a 100 percent hold on you.

IV) Sometimes a man deliberately won’t call, just to see how you’ll respond.

It is human nature for a man to test the waters to see how much he can get away with.

When you react emotionally, it gives him a feeling of control. And if you react emotionally frequently, over time he will come to see you as less of a mental challenge. If he can’t predict how you’ll always react, you remain a challenge. It also gives him something he absolutely needs: the freedom to breathe.

V) If you start out dependent, it turns him off. But if it is something he can’t have, it becomes more of a challenge for him to get it.

Again, it isn’t about learning how to play a game. It’s about understanding human nature and behaving accordingly. A man will always want what he can’t have. Also, note that a woman shouldn’t put herself down.

VI) It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.

A beautiful woman can make herself look ugly in the eyes of a man if she is very insecure. He pursued you; therefore, he finds you attractive. An understated demeanor and a confident attitude will convince him you’re gorgeous.

VII) Act like a prize and you’ll turn him into a believer.

A woman also demeans herself when she compares herself to another woman. So, don’t let on when you feel threatened by another attractive woman who walks into the room.

VIII) The biggest variable between a bitch and a woman who is too nice is fear. The bitch shows that she’s not afraid to be without him.

When a man is slightly afraid of losing a woman, his excitement is piqued.

One of the things women have to get out of their mindset is the notion of what a bitch is. A bitch is nice. She’s sweet as a Georgia peach. She smiles and she is feminine. She just doesn’t make decisions based on the fear of losing a man. The difference between the bitch and the nice girl is not so much in their personalities or in their demeanor. It has nothing to do with how abrasive a woman is. A bitch is a bitch with her actions, because she isn’t willing to give herself up.

IX) If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the bitch will prioritize her dignity above all else.

The bitch remains the person she is throughout her relationship with a man. She doesn’t lose her friends. She doesn’t give up her career or her hobbies. She doesn’t give up all of her time or bend over backward. And, unlike the nice girl, she is not too tolerant of disrespect. She also keeps her edge and has enormous self-respect; she holds the conviction that her self-worth governs her decisions.


Set Terms and Conditions for Yourself

It is absolutely vital when you start dating someone that you let them know your time is precious. If they don’t make plans with you, well then, you aren’t seeing them. If they call you out of the blue and ask you to hang, say no! I don’t care if you’re sitting on your butt twiddling your thumbs, establishing your terms takes force. If you want him to make plans instead of having to wait by the phone until he calls, you better set your terms and conditions straight at the beginning. If you have had a long day at work – don’t go hang out with him, tell him you need ‘me’ time.

His head will literally spin like top thinking you would rather be alone than hanging out with him. If he is not a good company, talks only about himself, or acts rude to you or anyone else in any way – leave immediately. You have to make it abundantly clear what you will and won’t tolerate including him being rude, self-centered or misogynistic.


Don’t Act Like You’re Capable of Doing Everything

In the beginning, men are always so accommodating. They are trying to impress you and therefore will be helpful at first, but if you start giving more than you receive, he will expect you to continue, meanwhile doing less.

A simple example of this is if a guy expects you to drive to go see him all the time. If you feel like he is starting to put in less effort, pull back. Do less. You need to be open to receiving, in order to get what you want. If he asks you to drive to his house and you think it’s about the time he makes an effort to come to see you, offer to see him another night when it better suits him. Don’t act upset, just don’t give in to his requests.


Actions Speak Louder Than Words

A wolf in sheep’s clothing will make themselves known quickly through their actions. Some men are just takers, abusers, and manipulators. They will talk and tell you everything you want to hear but they are really only there to get what they want and bounce.

Paying attention to a guy’s actions more than his words will help you pick out the pricks from the princes.


Less Is More

Expressing your feelings when you feel taken for granted never works. Men are very skilled at tuning women out when they ‘nag’. When you feel like you’re being taken for granted, the best thing to do is to back away.  If you want to feel respected in a relationship, show them what they could lose.

Men are used to dealing with emotional women (like their mothers or sisters) who forgive them even if they yell at them for taking them for granted. You have to let him know that this won’t be the case with you and give him the cold shoulder.


Self-sufficient Women Will Attract The Right Partners

Most of us are guilty of fantasizing about rich lovers who shower us with gifts and cater to our every whim. But while that might seem like the relationship you’d want, it’s definitely not the one you need.

Having a partner that covers all your expenses might mean you lose that most important of things: your independence. Sure, this doesn’t mean your partner can’t buy you dinner or give you a thoughtful present every now and then. But it should be clear that they have no financial control over you.

After all, a self-sufficient woman is able to maintain her dignity. She can decide how she wants to be treated and has the power to leave any relationship that’s holding her back. Moreover, a woman who puts herself first is more likely to attract men that appreciate that. Namely, the men that can see her for what she really is: a person who will enrich their lives.


Always Put Yourself First, But Make Your Man Feel Needed from Time to Time

By now it’s clear what you’ve got to do to improve your romantic life: put yourself first! Of course, this is easier said than done. Many strong women still have difficulties asserting themselves. Luckily, there are a few tricks we can use to ensure we stand our ground. What you shouldn’t do is “fake it ‘til you make it.”

Pretending to be confident, independent and self-sufficient simply isn’t enough. What you really want to do is follow your own inner voice. Yes, that nagging voice of doubt that you usually push aside!

Many women often make the mistake of going out with their partner to make them feel good. But what’s the point? If one of you isn’t having a good time, then the experience will be ruined for both of you. Do you and your partner a favor, and stay in when you feel like it! But remember: men are fickle creatures. Just when you think you’ve got the independent woman thing down, he’ll start acting grumpy.

While men instinctively love the chase, they also like to play the protector. They might feel threatened by your new independence. Even sensitive new-age males like to be the man of the house sometimes! So why not let them?



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Why Men Love Bitches
Why Men Love Bitches summary

Adapted from She Blogs Canada book review, Life Club book summary and April May June Blog post.

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