{"id":88136,"date":"2025-10-08T11:09:08","date_gmt":"2025-10-08T11:09:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/?p=88136"},"modified":"2025-12-30T19:38:54","modified_gmt":"2025-12-30T19:38:54","slug":"come-as-you-are-summary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/nl\/books\/come-as-you-are-summary\/","title":{"rendered":"Kom zoals je bent: De wetenschap van vrouwelijk seksueel verlangen"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>What if everything you&#8217;ve been taught about female sexuality is based on the wrong model? Discover the science that will transform how you think about sex, desire, and your own body.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<iframe frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https:\/\/playlist.megaphone.fm?e=PARSIDA9624769339\" width=\"100%\"><\/iframe>\n\n\n\n<iframe frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https:\/\/playlist.megaphone.fm?e=PARSIDA5288170668\" width=\"100%\"><\/iframe>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Introduction<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>For decades, women have been told their sexuality should look a certain way\u2014spontaneous, effortless, and always ready. When reality doesn&#8217;t match this idealized picture, many feel broken or ashamed. But what if the problem isn&#8217;t you? What if it&#8217;s the model?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emilynagoski.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Dr. Emily Nagoski<\/a>, a sex educator and researcher, dismantles myths about female sexuality with cutting-edge science and compassion. She reveals that sexual wellbeing comes from understanding your unique body and mind, not conforming to external standards. Whether struggling with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.healthline.com\/health\/low-sex-drive-in-women\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">low libido<\/a> or simply wanting to understand <a href=\"https:\/\/www.medicalnewstoday.com\/articles\/321934\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">female arousal<\/a> better, this book offers evidence-based insights that can change everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Who This Book Is For<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>This book speaks directly to women experiencing low desire, difficulty with arousal, or frustration about their sex lives. It&#8217;s for partners seeking to understand female sexuality beyond stereotypes. It&#8217;s for anyone who&#8217;s felt broken because their sexuality doesn&#8217;t match cultural narratives. If you&#8217;ve ever wondered why desire fades in relationships, why context matters more than technique, or why your body doesn&#8217;t always cooperate with your mind, this book offers answers grounded in research, not shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">About Emily Nagoski<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emilynagoski.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Dr. Emily Nagoski<\/a> holds a PhD in health behavior and is a certified sex educator. She has taught human sexuality at the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.udel.edu\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">University of Delaware<\/a> and worked as a sex educator for over a decade. Her research focuses on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.who.int\/health-topics\/sexual-health\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">sexual health<\/a>, pleasure, and the science of desire. She&#8217;s recognized internationally for making sexual science accessible and shame-free. Her work has been featured in major media outlets including <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The New York Times<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">NPR<\/a>, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.theatlantic.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The Atlantic<\/a>, and has helped thousands of women understand their sexuality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">TL;DR Quick Reference<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table class=\"has-fixed-layout\"><thead><tr><th class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\">Element<\/th><th class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\">Details<\/th><\/tr><\/thead><tbody><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\"><strong>Book<\/strong><\/td><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\">Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski (2015)<\/td><\/tr><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\"><strong>Core Idea<\/strong><\/td><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\">Female sexuality operates on a Dual Control Model; understanding your accelerators and brakes transforms your sex life<\/td><\/tr><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\"><strong>Key Takeaways<\/strong><\/td><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\">Most women experience responsive desire; context shapes arousal; arousal non-concordance is normal; you are sexually whole<\/td><\/tr><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\"><strong>Best For<\/strong><\/td><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\">Women with low libido, couples seeking better intimacy, anyone wanting to understand female sexuality<\/td><\/tr><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\"><strong>Reading Time<\/strong><\/td><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\">8 minutes (this summary)<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">StoryShot #1: The Dual Control Model<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Your sexual response has two independent systems: an accelerator detecting turn-ons and a brake detecting reasons not to be aroused. For most women, the brake is far more sensitive. Even in a context filled with turn-ons, a single powerful brake can shut down arousal entirely. A woman might find her partner&#8217;s touch arousing, but worry about work or feel self-conscious about her body, and her arousal stalls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dr. Nagoski explains that these systems are completely independent. The accelerator sends the &#8220;turn on!&#8221; signal when it detects sexually relevant stimuli. The brake sends the &#8220;turn off!&#8221; signal when it detects reasons not to be aroused. Most women have highly sensitive brakes because&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/all-about-sex\/201602\/the-dual-control-model-sexual-response\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">evolution prioritized safety over pleasure<\/a>. Understanding your unique accelerators and brakes is foundational to sexual wellness. The solution isn&#8217;t pressing harder on the accelerator\u2014it&#8217;s identifying what&#8217;s hitting your brakes and learning to release them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"572\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-50-572x1024.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-98231\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-50-572x1024.png 572w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-50-167x300.png 167w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-50-768x1376.png 768w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-50-857x1536.png 857w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-50-1143x2048.png 1143w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-50-7x12.png 7w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-50-scaled.png 1429w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 572px) 100vw, 572px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">The Dual Control Model: Understanding your sexual accelerators and brakes<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">StoryShot #2: Responsive Desire<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Our culture tells us desire should be spontaneous. But this narrative is based on how men experience desire, not women. For most women, desire is responsive\u2014it awakens in response to pleasure, not before it. You might not feel &#8220;in the mood&#8221; until your partner gives a sensual massage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Think of it like hunger. You might not feel hungry until you smell fresh bread baking. Similarly, responsive desire emerges from pleasure, not from a pre-existing urge.&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC5889124\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Research shows<\/a>&nbsp;the majority of women experience responsive desire as their primary mode. Women who wait for spontaneous desire often feel their sex drive is broken, but responsive desire is completely normal and healthy. Understanding this changes everything: you stop waiting for desire to strike and start creating conditions for it to emerge through pleasure and connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"565\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-51-565x1024.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-98232\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-51-565x1024.png 565w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-51-166x300.png 166w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-51-768x1392.png 768w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-51-847x1536.png 847w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-51-1130x2048.png 1130w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-51-7x12.png 7w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-51-scaled.png 1412w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 565px) 100vw, 565px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Two Types of Desire: Spontaneous vs. Responsive<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">StoryShot #3: Context Is Everything<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Sex never happens in a vacuum. Your sexual response is shaped by internal and external context. External context includes your physical surroundings and relationship. Is your bedroom a sanctuary or a stressful space? Do you feel safe and respected by your partner?&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/blog\/trust-and-betrayal\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Emotional safety<\/a>&nbsp;is a critical accelerator. A relationship filled with trust and open communication creates fertile ground for desire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Internal context is your inner world\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/topics\/stress\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">stress<\/a>, body image, self-criticism. Stress is one of the most powerful sexual brakes. When your body is in&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.health.harvard.edu\/staying-healthy\/understanding-the-stress-response\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">survival mode<\/a>, sex is the last thing on its mind. Negative body image and self-criticism are potent brakes. Cultivating positive internal context involves managing stress, practicing&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/self-compassion.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">self-compassion<\/a>, and challenging negative self-talk. Both external factors and internal factors profoundly influence your ability to experience arousal and pleasure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">StoryShot #4: Arousal Non-Concordance<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>One of the most liberating insights: genital response doesn&#8217;t always correlate with subjective desire. For women, this connection exists only about 10% of the time. For men, it&#8217;s about 50%. You can be physically aroused without feeling mentally turned on, and vice versa. This is completely normal and natural.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This knowledge is liberating. It frees you from pressure to make your body&#8217;s response match preconceived ideas. It underscores the importance of&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/the-passion-paradox\/201208\/the-importance-sexual-communication\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">communication with your partner<\/a>&nbsp;rather than relying on physical cues alone. Instead of assuming physical arousal means your partner is enjoying something, ask: &#8220;Are you enjoying this? Does this feel good?&#8221; Genitals come in all shapes and sizes, just like faces. There is no single standard of beauty or function. Your anatomy is normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>What does arousal non-concordance mean for your sex life? How might understanding this change your relationship?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">StoryShot #5: You Are Normal<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Every woman&#8217;s sexuality is as unique as her fingerprint. We&#8217;re taught there&#8217;s one &#8220;correct&#8221; way to be sexual, but the truth is far more liberating. Women show significant variation in arousal patterns, desires, and sexual preferences. Some experience orgasm easily; others find it elusive. Some want sex frequently; others prefer it rarely. All these variations are&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.plannedparenthood.org\/learn\/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction\/sexual-health\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">normal and healthy<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The central message of&nbsp;<em>Come As You Are<\/em>&nbsp;is revolutionary: you are normal. Your body is normal. Your sexuality is normal. Your desires are normal. This message is powerful because women have been taught their sexuality should look a certain way. Instead, this book offers a different narrative: one based on science, compassion, and radical acceptance. Sexual wellbeing comes from self-acceptance, not self-improvement. You are already sexually whole by just being yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"565\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-52-565x1024.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-98233\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-52-565x1024.png 565w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-52-166x300.png 166w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-52-768x1392.png 768w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-52-847x1536.png 847w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-52-1130x2048.png 1130w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-52-7x12.png 7w, https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-52-scaled.png 1412w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 565px) 100vw, 565px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">You Are Normal: Celebrating sexual diversity and self-acceptance<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">StoryShot #6: Mental Models &amp; Frameworks<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/all-about-sex\/201602\/the-dual-control-model-sexual-response\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Dual Control Model<\/a><\/strong> helps you map accelerators (what turns you on) and brakes (what turns you off). The <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.health.harvard.edu\/staying-healthy\/understanding-the-stress-response\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Stress Cycle<\/a><\/strong> explains how completing physical activity or affection can help manage stress that inhibits desire. The <strong>Responsive Desire Model<\/strong> shows desire emerging from pleasure rather than preceding it. The <strong>Context Framework<\/strong> identifies internal (stress, body image) and external (environment, safety) factors shaping arousal. These frameworks provide mental models for understanding and improving your sexual wellness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>Understanding these concepts is the first step. The real transformation happens when you apply them to your own life. Keep reading to discover practical steps you can implement immediately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Implementation Guide<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Step 1: Map Your Accelerators and Brakes.<\/strong> Identify what turns you on and off. Consider emotional, physical, relational, and environmental factors. This map becomes your personal guide to sexual wellness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Step 2: Tame Your Brakes.<\/strong> Develop strategies to manage your brakes. If stress is a brake, use <a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/topics\/exercise-fitness\/stress\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">physical activity<\/a> or affection to complete the stress cycle. If body image is a brake, practice <a href=\"https:\/\/self-compassion.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">self-compassion<\/a>. If emotional disconnection is a brake, prioritize quality time with your partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Step 3: Cultivate Responsive Desire.<\/strong> Schedule time for intimacy even if you don&#8217;t feel &#8220;in the mood.&#8221; Engage in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/blog\/the-power-of-touch\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">non-sexual touch<\/a> where desire can emerge naturally. Create a pleasurable environment with candles, music, and comfort. You&#8217;re creating the context where responsive desire naturally emerges.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Step 4: Embrace &#8220;Good Enough&#8221; Context.<\/strong> You don&#8217;t need a perfect environment. Set aside stressors you can&#8217;t control and focus on available pleasure. Embrace good-enough moments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Step 5: Practice Joyful Sex.<\/strong> Shift focus from performance to pleasure. Communicate what feels good. Celebrate your unique sexuality. Sex is meant to be joyful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Related Book Summaries<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>What if the stress preventing your sexual pleasure is actually manageable?<\/strong> In <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/books\/burnout-summary\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle<\/a><\/em>, co-authored by Emily Nagoski and her sister Amelia, you&#8217;ll discover why you&#8217;re burned out and how to complete the stress cycle. This companion book explores how stress affects every aspect of your life, including sexual wellness. By learning practical strategies to manage stress, you&#8217;ll create the internal context necessary for desire to flourish. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/books\/burnout-summary\/\" target=\"_blank\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/books\/burnout-summary\/\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Read the Burnout Summary<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>How does emotional safety shape intimate relationships?<\/strong> In <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/books\/attached-summary\/\">Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment<\/a><\/em>, Amir Levine and Rachel Heller reveal how attachment styles fundamentally shape relationship satisfaction and sexual connection. This book explains how emotional safety\u2014a key accelerator in the Dual Control Model\u2014develops through secure attachment patterns. By understanding your attachment style and your partner&#8217;s, you can build the emotional foundation necessary for sexual wellness. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/books\/attached-summary\/\" target=\"_blank\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/books\/attached-summary\/\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Read the Attached Summary<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Can you maintain passion in long-term relationships?<\/strong> In <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/books\/mating-in-captivity-summary\/\">Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence<\/a><\/em>, Esther Perel explores the paradox of desire in long-term relationships. This book complements <em>Come As You Are<\/em> by examining how to maintain passion while building emotional intimacy and safety. Together, these books offer a complete guide to sustaining sexual wellness throughout your relationship. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/books\/mating-in-captivity-summary\/\">Read the Mating in Captivity Summary<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Final Summary<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Come As You Are<\/em> is a book about self-acceptance, empowerment, and embracing your own normality. Dr. Emily Nagoski provides a science-based framework that liberates women from shame surrounding female sexuality. By understanding the Dual Control Model, responsive desire, the role of context, and arousal non-concordance, you work with your body instead of against it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The journey to a more fulfilling sex life is not about changing who you are, but about understanding and celebrating who you are. You are not broken. You are whole, normal, and worthy of a sex life filled with confidence, joy, and pleasure. This book&#8217;s most powerful message is simple: you come as you are, and that is enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>This book transforms how you see yourself sexually. Instead of shame, you&#8217;ll feel understanding. Instead of anxiety, you&#8217;ll feel empowerment. You&#8217;ll discover that your unique sexuality is not a problem to fix but a gift to celebrate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This was the tip of the iceberg. To dive into the details and support the author, get the audiobook for free using the link in the show notes or the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\">StoryShots app<\/a> today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Rate, review and follow the podcast for more bestselling book nuggets like this. Download the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\">StoryShots app<\/a> for the complete PDF, animated and infographic summary of Come As You Are and thousands of other life-changing books. Share this summary with a friend who needs to hear this message. Your sex life\u2014and your relationship\u2014will thank you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Rating<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>How would you rate Come As You Are?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-yet-another-stars-rating-visitor-votes yasr-vv-block\"><!--Yasr Visitor Votes Shortcode--><div id='yasr_visitor_votes_f7ab29967c50b' class='yasr-visitor-votes'><div class=\"yasr-custom-text-vv-before yasr-custom-text-vv-before-88136\">Click to rate this book!<\/div><div id='yasr-vv-second-row-container-f7ab29967c50b'\r\n                                        class='yasr-vv-second-row-container'><div id='yasr-visitor-votes-rater-f7ab29967c50b'\r\n                                      class='yasr-rater-stars-vv'\r\n                                      data-rater-postid='88136'\r\n                                      data-rating='5'\r\n                                      data-rater-starsize='32'\r\n                                      data-rater-readonly='false'\r\n                                      data-rater-nonce='eb95609cc6'\r\n                                      data-issingular='false'\r\n                                    ><\/div><div class=\"yasr-vv-stats-text-container\" id=\"yasr-vv-stats-text-container-f7ab29967c50b\"><svg xmlns=\"https:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"20\" height=\"20\"\r\n                                   class=\"yasr-dashicons-visitor-stats\"\r\n                                   data-postid=\"88136\"\r\n                                   id=\"yasr-stats-dashicon-f7ab29967c50b\">\r\n                                   <path d=\"M18 18v-16h-4v16h4zM12 18v-11h-4v11h4zM6 18v-8h-4v8h4z\"><\/path>\r\n                               <\/svg><span id=\"yasr-vv-text-container-f7ab29967c50b\" class=\"yasr-vv-text-container\">[Total: <span id=\"yasr-vv-votes-number-container-f7ab29967c50b\">1<\/span> Average: <span id=\"yasr-vv-average-container-f7ab29967c50b\">5<\/span>]<\/span><\/div><div id='yasr-vv-loader-f7ab29967c50b' class='yasr-vv-container-loader'><\/div><\/div><div id='yasr-vv-bottom-container-f7ab29967c50b' class='yasr-vv-bottom-container'><\/div><\/div><!--End Yasr Visitor Votes Shortcode--><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>As you begin implementing these concepts, you might have questions about how to apply them in your unique situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Q: Is responsive desire normal?<\/strong><br>A: Yes. Most women experience responsive desire, where desire emerges in response to pleasure rather than spontaneously. This is completely normal and healthy. Understanding this can transform how you approach intimacy in your relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Q: What are sexual brakes?<\/strong><br>A: Sexual brakes are anything that inhibits arousal, such as <a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/topics\/stress\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">stress<\/a>, anxiety, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nationaleatingdisorders.org\/body-image-0\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">body image concerns<\/a>, or emotional disconnection from your partner. Identifying your personal brakes is the first step to managing them effectively.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Q: How can I improve my sex life?<\/strong><br>A: Map your accelerators and brakes, manage stress through <a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/topics\/exercise-fitness\/stress\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">physical activity<\/a> or affection, cultivate responsive desire through <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/blog\/the-power-of-touch\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">non-sexual touch<\/a> and connection, and prioritize pleasure over performance. These practical steps can significantly enhance your sexual wellbeing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Additional Resources<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ted.com\/talks\/emily_nagoski_the_truth_about_unwanted_arousal\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Emily Nagoski&#8217;s TED Talk: The Truth About Unwanted Arousal<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.plannedparenthood.org\/learn\/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Planned Parenthood: Sexual Health Information<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The Gottman Institute: Relationship Resources<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/self-compassion.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Self-Compassion Resources by Dr. Kristin Neff<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ashasexualhealth.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">American Sexual Health Association<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Wat als alles wat je geleerd hebt over vrouwelijke seksualiteit gebaseerd is op het verkeerde model? Ontdek de wetenschap die je manier van denken over seks, verlangen en je eigen lichaam zal veranderen. Inleiding Al tientallen jaren wordt vrouwen verteld dat hun seksualiteit er op een bepaalde manier uit moet zien - spontaan, moeiteloos en altijd klaar. Wanneer de werkelijkheid niet overeenkomt met dit ge\u00efdealiseerde...<\/p>","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":98237,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"yasr_overall_rating":0,"yasr_post_is_review":"","yasr_auto_insert_disabled":"","yasr_review_type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1,4496],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-88136","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","category-sexuality"],"acf":[],"yasr_visitor_votes":{"stars_attributes":{"read_only":false,"span_bottom":false},"number_of_votes":1,"sum_votes":5},"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":1,"label":"Coming soon"},{"value":4496,"label":"Sexuality"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/come-as-you-are-1024x683.png",1024,683,true],"author_info":{"display_name":"Team StoryShots","author_link":"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/nl\/books\/author\/fuzr6koxtahlfjcigcjjuadpexy2\/"},"comment_info":0,"category_info":[{"term_id":1,"name":"Coming soon","slug":"uncategorized","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":1,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":147,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":1,"category_count":147,"category_description":"","cat_name":"Coming soon","category_nicename":"uncategorized","category_parent":0},{"term_id":4496,"name":"Sexuality","slug":"sexuality","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":4496,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":14,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":4496,"category_count":14,"category_description":"","cat_name":"Sexuality","category_nicename":"sexuality","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88136","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=88136"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88136\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":98351,"href":"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88136\/revisions\/98351"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/98237"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=88136"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=88136"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getstoryshots.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=88136"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}