Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Summary

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed by Lori Gottlieb

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Introduction

Have you ever wondered what really happens in a therapy office? What if the person helping you also needs help? And here’s the crazy part – what if your therapist sits in someone else’s therapy office, talking about their own problems just like you?

Welcome to “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone.” Lori Gottlieb shows us therapy from both sides. This isn’t your typical self-help book with quick fixes. Instead, it’s a real, funny, and honest look at what it means to be human and heal.

Gottlieb tells us five stories – four of her patients and her own story as a patient. Think of it like a reality show, except it’s real life. The stakes are higher than getting voted off an island. There’s no million-dollar prize – just the chance to become more human.

What makes this book so good is how honest it is. Gottlieb doesn’t pretend to have all the answers. She shows us that therapists are just as messed up and confused as everyone else. It’s like finding out your superhero has their own superhero they call when things get tough.

The book changes everything you think you know about therapy and healing. It’s not about fixing yourself like a broken machine. It’s about understanding yourself as a complex person. Sometimes, the best way to help others is to first admit you need help too.

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About Lori Gottlieb

Lori Gottlieb is someone who makes big career changes look easy, even though we all know they’re anything but. She’s been a film executive, medical student, bestselling author, and therapist. Somehow, she made it all work together in a way that makes sense now, even though it probably felt scary and uncertain while she was living it.

Her path wasn’t straight or simple, which maybe makes her perfect for helping others navigate their own twisting journeys. She studied language and culture at Yale, then went deeper into human beliefs and traditions at Stanford University. She spent her twenties in Hollywood as a film and television executive, telling stories through movies and TV shows and learning about human nature from the entertainment world.

But life had other plans for her. She went back to Stanford for medical school, where her first book got published. That success led her to pursue writing full-time, creating New York Times bestselling books that have been translated into 20 languages and reached readers around the world with insights about human behavior and relationships.

Here’s where Gottlieb’s story gets really interesting. After becoming a parent, she realized she wanted to do more than just write about people’s stories – she wanted to help people actively change their stories. So she went back to school again, this time to Pepperdine University for graduate studies in clinical psychology. She completed her training at The Wright Institute and did her internship at The Maple Counseling Center, learning to sit with people in their pain and guide them toward healing.

What makes Gottlieb special isn’t just her impressive background – it’s how she thinks about human connection and storytelling. She believes that “stories are basically about one person saying to another: This is who I am. This is how I see the world. Can you understand me?” Whether she’s writing or doing therapy, she asks the same basic questions: “What does this person want and what’s stopping them from getting it?”

Today, Gottlieb works as a therapist with her own practice and writes the “Dear Therapist” column at The Atlantic. Her 2019 TED Talk was one of the Top 10 Most Watched of the Year. “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” has sold over one million copies worldwide. Netflix is making it into a TV series.

Most importantly, Gottlieb says her best credential is being “a card-carrying member of the human race.” She knows firsthand how hard it is to see ourselves clearly and how easy it is to get stuck in our own patterns. But she also knows how amazing and freeing it feels when we finally do see ourselves more clearly. She mixes serious professional training with real human honesty and vulnerability.

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Key Ideas

StoryShot #1: Even the Healers Need Healing – Therapists Are Human Too

Here’s a surprise: therapists need therapy too. When Gottlieb’s boyfriend breaks up with her, she doesn’t handle it well. She falls apart just like anyone else. She wants someone to tell her she’s right and he’s wrong.

This makes Gottlieb’s story powerful. Being a therapist doesn’t protect you from life’s problems. Sometimes you’re too close to your own situation to help yourself. As Gottlieb puts it, “We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.” Even knowing this truth doesn’t make it easier to live through.

If trained professionals who help others also need support, then getting help isn’t weak – it’s human. This makes therapy feel more normal. It creates real connection instead of a one-sided relationship.

StoryShot #2: We Heal Through Connection, Not Alone

One of Gottlieb’s biggest insights is that healing happens with other people, not alone in our heads trying to think our way out of problems. Our culture tells us to be independent and figure things out ourselves. We see social media posts of people who seem to have it all together. But this approach often keeps us stuck instead of helping us move forward.

Every story in the book shows this truth. Gottlieb heals through her relationship with Wendell, her therapist, who gives her a safe space to explore her patterns. John, the tough TV executive, starts to change when he finally lets himself be vulnerable with Gottlieb. Julie, facing cancer, finds strength through connections with her husband, her therapist, and even her coworkers at Trader Joe’s who treat her with normal human kindness.

Here’s what’s interesting about connection in healing: it doesn’t just mean talking about your problems or dumping all your feelings on someone. Sometimes it means sitting quietly with someone who understands what you’re going through. Sometimes it means having someone see your pain without trying to fix it or cheer you up. Sometimes it means laughing together when everything feels too heavy to handle alone.

Gottlieb describes how her patients often make their biggest breakthroughs not during intense emotional moments, but during ordinary conversations where they feel truly seen and understood for who they are. It’s like the difference between trying to solve a hard puzzle alone in a dark room versus working on it with a good friend in bright light – suddenly, pieces that seemed impossible to place become obvious.

The bottom line? Stop trying to heal alone. This doesn’t mean you need to share your deepest secrets with everyone you meet. But it does mean letting trusted people into your struggles in real ways. Whether it’s a therapist, a close friend, a support group, or even an online community of people facing similar challenges, healing happens faster and better when we’re not carrying everything by ourselves.

What’s your experience with healing through connection versus trying to figure everything out alone?

Speaking of connection and finding the right support, let me tell you about today’s sponsor, BetterHelp. You know, as we’re talking about Lori Gottlieb’s journey and how even therapists need therapists, it really drives home the point that we all need someone to talk to sometimes. BetterHelp makes it easier than ever to find that person. They match you with a licensed therapist who fits your needs, and you can talk to them however you’re comfortable – video, phone, or messaging. The best part? You don’t have to sit in a waiting room or drive across town. If your first therapist isn’t the right fit, you can switch anytime. Just like Gottlieb found her perfect match with Wendell, BetterHelp helps you find yours. Visit BetterHelp.com/StoryShots to get 10% off your first month. That’s BetterHelp.com/StoryShots. Because sometimes, maybe you really should talk to someone.

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StoryShot #3: There Is No Hierarchy of Pain – All Suffering Deserves Compassion

Gottlieb teaches us something freeing: there’s no ranking of pain. We always compare suffering – “others have it worse,” “first world problems.” But this comparison game just adds shame to hard situations.

As Gottlieb explains, “There’s no hierarchy of pain. Suffering shouldn’t be ranked, because pain is not a contest.” John’s success doesn’t make his emotional pain less real than Julie’s cancer. Each person’s suffering matters. This gives us permission to acknowledge our pain without making it smaller.

You don’t need the worst possible situation to deserve help. Your struggles are real because they’re yours. Stop comparing your pain to others’. Start asking, “What do I need right now to feel better?”

StoryShot #4: Change Is Scary But Necessary – We Resist Growth Even When Miserable

We often fight against changes that would make us happier. Our brains choose safety over happiness. What we know feels safer than what we don’t know.

Gottlieb shows this in every story. She fights Wendell’s insights because accepting them means admitting her part in relationship problems. John stays in patterns that push people away because changing feels scary.

Change feels uncomfortable for a while. But staying stuck can hurt forever. Know that fighting change is normal. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. Get curious about what the fighting is trying to protect you from.

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StoryShot #5: You Can Edit Your Life Story – We Are Not Prisoners of Our Past

We have power to edit our life stories. This doesn’t mean changing what happened. It means changing how we understand events and how they affect our future.

Gottlieb puts it perfectly: “Part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself—to let go of the limiting stories you’ve told yourself about who you are so that you aren’t trapped by them.” Rita spent years thinking she was a terrible mother. Through therapy, she sees a bigger story – she was also someone who was hurt and did her best with what she had. This doesn’t excuse mistakes but allows kindness to herself. It opens doors to reconnecting with her children.

Editing isn’t about making fairy tales. It’s about finding more complete, helpful versions of your story. Pay attention to stories you tell yourself. Try telling the same events from different angles.

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StoryShot #6: The Myth of Closure – Learning to Live with Loss Rather than “Getting Over” It

Popular culture lies to us about grief. It says there’s a finish line called “closure” where we “get over” pain and move on. Gottlieb shows us this isn’t true.

We don’t “get over” big losses. Instead, we learn to carry them in ways that don’t stop us from living. It’s like learning to walk with a limp – you adapt and find new ways to move.

Stop waiting for closure that might never come. Ask yourself: “How can I honor this loss while still living fully?” Sometimes the goal isn’t to stop missing someone. It’s to miss them in a way that connects you to love instead of keeping you alone in pain.

StoryShot #7: Self-Compassion Is the Foundation of All Growth – Be Kind to Yourself First

Self-compassion is the foundation for all other growth. Most people are incredibly mean to themselves. They say things to themselves they would never say to a friend. This inner critic doesn’t help – it hurts.

Gottlieb learned that we need to “Don’t judge your feelings; notice them. Use them as your map. Don’t be afraid of the truth.” Being mean to yourself doesn’t help you change – it freezes you. The breakthrough comes when people learn to talk to themselves differently. With curiosity instead of judgment.

Research shows self-compassion works better than self-criticism for making positive changes. When we feel safe and supported (even by ourselves), we’re more likely to take risks and try new things. This aligns with Carol Dweck’s research in Mindset about how a growth mindset helps us see challenges as opportunities rather than threats.

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StoryShot #8: Finding the Right Therapist Is Like Dating – Connection Matters More Than Credentials

Finding the right therapist takes the same approach as any important relationship. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t feel right just because they’re available or covered by insurance.

Gottlieb first looks for someone to agree with her. But when she meets Wendell, she feels truly seen and understood even when he challenges her. The therapy relationship is personal – connection matters more than fancy degrees.

Many people give up on therapy after one bad experience. That’s like deciding you hate all restaurants after one bad meal. Treat finding a therapist like dating – ask questions, pay attention to how you feel, and don’t settle.

StoryShot #9: The Art of Listening – Sometimes Silence Speaks Louder Than Words

Gottlieb shows us that sometimes the most powerful thing is saying nothing. In our world of quick fixes, we’ve forgotten how healing it is to simply be heard.

Healing often happens in quiet moments. When John admits his fear of being alone, Gottlieb doesn’t rush to give advice. She sits with him in his pain. This lets him feel truly seen.

This kind of listening is different from listening to respond or fix. It’s listening to understand. To witness. To create space for someone’s full experience without trying to change it.

StoryShot #10: Resistance Is Information – What We Avoid Tells Us What We Need

Resistance isn’t something to fight – it’s information to understand. When patients push back against insights or avoid topics, they’re protecting themselves from something that feels dangerous.

John’s harsh behavior isn’t just a bad personality. It’s a defense system that keeps people away so they can’t hurt him. Understanding resistance this way changes how we deal with it.

Instead of fighting resistance, get curious about what it’s protecting you from. What would happen if you let your guard down? Sometimes the fastest way through resistance is slowing down to understand what it’s trying to tell you.

StoryShot #11: Therapy Teaches Us to Live with Uncertainty, Not Find All the Answers

Therapy isn’t about finding perfect answers to life’s big questions. It’s about learning to be okay with uncertainty and the messiness of being human.

Julie facing cancer can’t find good answers to “Why me?” But she learns to live fully even with uncertainty. She finds meaning not in having answers but in choosing how to spend whatever time she has.

This shift from needing certainty to accepting uncertainty is freeing. It removes pressure to have everything figured out before taking action. It lets us make decisions based on our values instead of perfect clarity.

If you could make one important decision in your life without needing to know how it turns out, what would it be?

StoryShot #12: Healing Happens in Relationship, Not in Isolation

Gottlieb’s final insight brings us full circle: healing is teamwork. The biggest changes happen through real human connection and shared vulnerability, not willpower alone.

As Gottlieb reminds us, “Most big transformations come about from the hundreds of tiny, almost imperceptible, steps we take along the way.” This echoes what James Clear teaches in Atomic Habits – that small, consistent changes create the biggest transformations. Therapy isn’t about being analyzed by an expert who has life figured out. It’s about being in relationship with someone trained to create safe space for growth.

Whether with a professional therapist, trusted friends, family, or support groups, healing happens with others. Find people who can see your struggles without trying to fix you. Who can offer perspective without judgment. Who can remind you of your strength when you forget.

This connects to what Brené Brown teaches in Daring Greatly about vulnerability being the birthplace of courage, creativity, and change. Both authors show us that our struggles don’t make us weak – they make us human.

Final Summary and Review

“Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” is about the courage it takes to be human. Gottlieb created something rare – a book that doesn’t promise easy answers but offers something better: proof that struggling is normal, healing is possible, and we don’t have to figure it out alone.

The book’s best part is its honesty about therapy. Gottlieb doesn’t make it sound magical. She shows the messy, up-and-down reality of personal growth. By mixing patient stories with her own journey, she gives us the full picture of how therapy works.

The key insights: Therapists need therapy too. We heal through connection. All pain deserves compassion. Change is scary but necessary. We can edit our life stories. Closure is a myth – we learn to live with loss. Self-compassion enables growth. Finding the right therapist needs connection over credentials. Sometimes silence speaks loudest. Resistance gives information. Therapy teaches uncertainty tolerance. Healing happens with others.

One of Gottlieb’s most powerful insights is that “You can have compassion without forgiving. There are many ways to move on, and pretending to feel a certain way isn’t one of them.” This gives us permission to heal in our own way and time.

Tag us on social media @StoryShots and share which insight hits home for you!

Criticism and Rating

While great overall, the book mainly shows experiences of educated, middle-class people with access to good mental health care. It doesn’t talk much about other treatments like group therapy or medication that might work better for some people.

The story structure sometimes feels tricky as Gottlieb holds back information to copy how patients slowly reveal details. Despite these limits, the book succeeds at making therapy human and showing how healing happens through real connection.

Rating: 4.5/5 stars – An honest and hopeful look at human healing.

Related Books You Might Enjoy

If this hit home for you, check out these similar books:

• The Gift of Therapy by Irvin Yalom – Master therapist insights from decades of practice (Psychology Today has more therapy resources)
• When Nietzsche Wept by Irvin Yalom – Novel mixing philosophy and therapy
• Good Morning Monster by Catherine Gildiner – Therapist’s stories about life-changing cases
• The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog by Bruce Perry – Child psychiatrist’s trauma insights
• What Happened to You? by Bruce Perry and Oprah – Trauma-informed healing approach (National Alliance on Mental Illness offers more mental health resources)
• Daring Greatly by Brené Brown – About vulnerability and courage
• How to Do The Work by Nicole LePera – Practical self-healing guide (Mental Health America provides mental health info and support)
• Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend – Essential relationship health guide
• The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down by Haemin Sunim – Mindfulness wisdom (Mindful.org offers mindfulness resources)
• Atomic Habits by James Clear – Building positive change through small steps
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey – Personal development fundamentals
• Mindset by Carol Dweck – Growth mindset for personal change

For more mental health support and resources, visit Crisis Text Line or BetterHelp for accessible therapy options.

One final thought: If reading this summary made you think “maybe I should talk to someone,” trust that instinct. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is ask for help.

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