Use the Secrets of the Male Mind to Find, Attract and Keep Your Ideal Man
About Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey is a British life coach, YouTube personality, and writer. His career started as a life coach with individual clients in London’s coffee shops and cafés. He now runs programs across the globe designed to help clients transform their lives. Hussey’s private clients have included directors of major FTSE 500 companies, hedge-fund managers and celebrities. Hussey has also lectured at Oxford University to the Department of Neuroethics.
Get the Guy reveals what Matthew Hussey calls the secrets of the male mind. These secrets are complemented by the fundamentals of dating and mating. The outcome is an approach to help women find lasting relationships. Relationship coach, Hussey, guides readers through every stage of finding a successful relationship. Starting with tips to improve yourself, the author covers every detail of courting – From your first glimpse across the room to the mind games of the chase.
Part I: Find The Guy
Put The Odds In Your Favor and Don’t Leave Your Love Life to Chance
“Every interaction with another human being is a possible gateway to some new world or experience, which could, in turn, introduce you to the love of your life.” – Matthew Hussey
Finding the right guy is a game of chance. Most women do not play this game as they meet too few men. Expecting that finding the right guy will just happen is a flawed view that will limit your chances of finding romance. So, Matthew Hussey suggests you drop this mentality. Replace this mentality with one that prioritizes building a lifestyle where you can meet as many new men as possible. Also, give as many of these men as possible a chance to become your man.
Being A Woman Of High Value
“Believe in your own value, and every good thing in life will follow.” – Matthew Hussey
Getting the guy starts with yourself. You should be searching for a man of high value. That said, you must understand that men are searching for women of high value too. So, if you want to get the guy, you also have to maintain a high personal value. Men will have their personal preferences in women, which means that high value can vary person-by-person. Hussey notes that certain traits are present among all high-value women, though. These traits are:
The first high-value trait Hussey describes is confidence. Standards of physical beauty change over time. Self-confidence, a knack for creating fun around her, and the ability to be sexually alluring are qualities that make any woman beautiful. A high-value woman is confident in their beliefs, wants, and own personal value. Also, high-value women ensure they clearly explain to others their needs. So, they also know when their needs are not being met and will react accordingly. For example, a high-value woman knows when they need to walk away from a relationship because their needs are not being met. This knowledge of their needs also allows high-value women to see right through superficial examples of value. Looks, money and high status are never sufficient to impress a high-value woman.
Women with low confidence struggle to focus on finding people who can meet their needs. Instead, they focus on doing things to please others because they are uncertain about what they want. Although this approach might work momentarily, a confident man will always lose interest in an uncertain woman.
Get a Social Life that Serves Your Love Life
The most efficient way of improving your social life is to say yes every time to every invite. If you adopt this approach, you will be perceived as more fun. On top of this, you are increasing your chances of encountering high-value men. Social experiences are the most important for improving your love life and making yourself a more rounded and interesting person.
Hussey suggests you adopt certain behaviors when you are within social situations. He sees the most important behavior as working the room. So, as you enter a social environment, you should stop and stand. Take in your environment and see the other people with who you will be interacting. Stopping at the entrance of this social environment will also allow you to be seen.
The final suggestion that Hussey offers related to your social life is you should adopt an “owner mentality.” This mentality is based on an experience Hussey had with a club owner he met who appeared confident and in control. You should act like you have ownership over your life and decisions. Confidently believing that you have control over your life outcomes will give off a vibe that you are self-confident.
The Mindset of the Chooser
The author explains that the biggest female misconception is that men will come up and talk to a woman if they like them. The reality is men who really like you will find it considerably harder to come up and talk to you. Building on this, Hussey explains that the men who are most likely to approach you are those who approach most women. This probably only accounts for 1% of the population and it is unlikely these are high-value men. So, instead of waiting for this 1% to come and superficially talk to you, you must adopt the mindset of a chooser.
How to Approach
The first step towards becoming a chooser is learning how to approach men rather than waiting for them to approach you. Hussey offers a few steps to help you start a conversation the right way:
- Look at the man first for no longer than half a second. Then, wait a little bit and look for a second time. During this second glance, you should smile.
- After grabbing his attention, you should make it easier for him to talk to you by getting closer to him.
- Be easy for the first ten seconds of the conversation. Hussey explains this is the only time in your interactions with men that you should be easy. Give them ten seconds to impress. Give him a chance.
As well as three steps, Hussey also believes that asking for a favor or immediately testing the man grabs his attention.
Asking for a favor will play on the man’s ego. If he can help you, it will make him feel like a man.
Testing a man will also play on his ego. Hussey offers the example of asking a man what type of drink they think you should order. Your response should then differ based on his choice. You can either tell him, “Great, you passed the test”, or, “That’s a shame, it would never work between us.” Both of these responses will spark some interest. The first response builds his ego, while the second response offers a challenge. So, this man will then want to prove that things could work between you.
Seed the Date
As well as being shy about approaching a girl they like, men will also be shy about asking them out on a date. Despite this, Hussey doesn’t suggest you outright ask to go on a date with him. Instead, he explains you should “seed” the date. Seeding a date involves planting ideas in the man’s head that encourage him to make a move towards asking you on a date. For example, you could say something like, “All my friends have been telling me to try this bar.” If you plant this seed, then you create more opportunities to suggest a date. With the example provided, they will likely say they haven’t been to the bar themselves. So, you can explain to them that you must be the only two who haven’t been there yet and should go together.
Part II: Get The Guy
The Ultimate Formula for Attraction
Attraction is a subjective concept. Despite this, Hussey believes it is possible to create a formula out of the subjective components that attraction is always based on:
Visual Chemistry + Perceived Challenge + Perceived Value + Connection
Each of these factors combine to create what an individual is subjectively attracted to. So, Hussey suggests aiming to build on these components if you want to get the guy.
Playing Hard to Get
One of the worst pieces of advice frequently given to women is to play hard to get. Some relationship gurus believe men love the chase, so playing hard to get will keep them interested. Hussey argues that playing hard to get is a terrible strategy long term. The type of man that enjoys the chase is often the type of man who lacks insight. This is not the type of man you want in your life.
Like his views of playing hard to get, Hussey also believes you should not wait X number of dates before having sex. Adopting this approach will lead to your focus being on playing games. So, your focus will be taken away from the most important thing about finding a partner, which is building a connection.
So, instead of worrying about how many dates you have, try to notice when you make an emotional connection. This should be the point where you start to consider having sex with him. Men often seek validation through sex. So, try to avoid waiting too long before having sex with a man you are interested in. That said, Hussey also outlines that some men will get overly emotional or persistent when you deny sex as you are not emotionally ready. These are called “only for sex guys” and are not the men for you. If this happens, you shouldn’t date him again.
Try to avoid feeling obliged to have sex with a man. Although you shouldn’t wait too long, the right man won’t mind waiting for sex if you do so in a tactful way. For example, suppose he calls you late at night for a booty call. At this point, you shouldn’t deny him but instead, suggest an alternative.
Why Hasn’t He Called?
Hussey also highlights there are misconceptions surrounding why a man might not have called you yet. Generally, people assume this means the man is intimated, is scared of commitment or is only after sex. Hussey challenges these claims and suggests that the real reason is probably that you are being one of the following:
- Too nice and no challenge.
- Too aggressive.
- Too desperate.
- Trying too hard to impress.
- Too negative.
- No chemistry.
Part III: Keep The Guy
How To Be The Woman Of His Dreams
Hussey believes the most effective way of keeping the guy is by being the woman of his dreams. He provides crucial aspects that you must use to become this woman:
- Let him know you’re attracted to him. Your man should know that you derive complete sexual satisfaction with him.
- Make him feel unique and that you would choose him no matter what.
- Make him feel like the protector and that you need him. You become a high-value woman by being independent. That said, you must also give him a chance to add value to your life. If you do not allow him this, then you are emasculating him.
- Support him and make him feel like you believe in him.
Is He Mr. Right?
Matthew says that two values are the most important in guaranteeing a long term relationship:
If you don’t have these two values, you don’t have much long-term potential. If you have these two in common, you can overcome difficulties and differences.
What Guys Really Think about the C-Word
As a high-value woman, you should not only aim to attract high-value men but also keep them. Despite this, long-term commitment relies on you not giving too much too soon. Hussey provides an example from his own life. Once, he told a girl that he wasn’t going to commit. Despite this, not long after, he found himself committed to this woman. The reason for his change of mind was how this woman reacted to him dismissing commitment. She played it cool and lowered him in her list of priorities. Hussey started to enjoy her company more and more due to this and led to him committing to the relationship.
Final Summary and Review of Get the Guy
“Learning and practicing the art of creating rather than waiting; throwing the net wide in order to meet a lot of people, men and women alike, who will enrich your life; operating from a mindset of abundance, not scarcity; developing and adhering to the attributes of a woman of high value; upholding your own standards; understanding that you are in control of your own choices—these skills strengthen your sense of self-worth and will improve all areas of your life. It’s the project of a lifetime.” – Matthew Hussey
As a man and relationship coach, Hussey has insight into how a woman can get the guy. The core message of this book is to become a woman of high-value. A high-value woman has high self-confidence, knows what she wants and gets out there to improve her chances of finding the right man.
Standards of physical beauty change over time. That said, self-confidence, a knack for creating fun and being sexually alluring will always be beautiful.
We rate this book 4/5.
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