Friends Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing summary
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Friends Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing Summary and Review | Book by Matthew Perry

A Memoir

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Introduction

In his candid and moving memoir, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, actor Matthew Perry shares his personal and often harrowing journey with addiction and recovery. With raw honesty and humor, Perry chronicles his life from childhood to fame, with a focus on the demons that plagued him along the way.

Perry’s story is one of both privilege and pain. Born into a wealthy family and blessed with talent and charisma, he achieved overnight success on the hit sitcom Friends. Yet behind the scenes, Perry struggled with a deep-seated addiction that threatened to destroy his life.

In Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, Perry pulls back the curtain on his addiction, offering a unique and insightful perspective on this complex disease. He writes with brutal honesty about the highs and lows of addiction, the devastating impact it had on his relationships and career, and the arduous process of recovery.

Perry’s memoir is more than just a story of addiction and recovery. It is also a story of hope and resilience. Perry’s honesty and openness are both admirable and inspiring. He offers readers a rare glimpse into the mind of an addict, and he provides valuable insights into the importance of community, the power of forgiveness, and the possibility of redemption.

About Matthew Perry

Matthew Langford Perry (August 19, 1969 – October 28, 2023) was an award-winning actor, writer, and producer. He was best known for his role as Chandler Bing in the sitcom Friends, which aired from 1994 to 2004. Perry had also starred in numerous other films and television shows, including The Odd Couple, Go On, and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

In addition to his acting career, Perry was a vocal advocate for mental health awareness and addiction recovery. He spoke openly about his own struggles with addiction and helped to raise millions of dollars for addiction treatment and research. Perry’s memoir, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, is his latest contribution to the fight against addiction.

Perry’s advocacy for mental health awareness and addiction recovery is deeply personal. He understood firsthand the devastating impact that addiction can have on individuals, families, and communities. Perry’s story is a powerful reminder that addiction does not discriminate, and that it is possible to overcome even the most difficult challenges.

Matthew Perry smiling
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Credit: aarp.org

StoryShot 1: Addiction is a Disease, Not a Choice

Addiction is a complex brain disorder that affects how a person behaves, feels, and thinks. It can lead to uncontrollable cravings for drugs or alcohol, even when the person knows it will have negative consequences. Addiction is not a choice, and it can happen to anyone, regardless of their age, race, gender, or socioeconomic status.

In his memoir, Perry writes about how he began using drugs and alcohol at a young age. He says that he turned to drugs and alcohol to cope with feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. As he got older, his addiction worsened. He started using more drugs and alcohol, and he began to experience negative consequences, such as health problems, relationship problems, and financial problems.

He eventually realized that he needed help. He went to rehab several times, but it wasn’t until he was in his late 40s that he finally got sober.

StoryShot 2: Fear of Abandonment Can Lead to Addiction

Fear of abandonment is a common fear among people with addiction. This fear can be rooted in childhood experiences, such as parental divorce or neglect, or it can develop later in life due to traumatic experiences such as abuse or betrayal. People with a fear of abandonment may turn to drugs and alcohol to cope with feelings of loneliness, emptiness, and unworthiness.

Matthew Perry has struggled with a fear of abandonment since childhood. He writes about how his father left the family when he was young, and he felt like he had been abandoned. This fear contributed to his addiction, as he often turned to drugs and alcohol to cope with feelings of loneliness and emptiness. For example, Perry describes how he would drink heavily before going to parties, in the hope that it would make him feel more confident and less likely to be rejected.

Perry’s fear of abandonment also manifested itself in his relationships. He writes about how he was often afraid of being left by his romantic partners, and he would sometimes engage in self-destructive behaviors in order to push them away before they could leave him first. For example, Perry describes how he would cheat on his girlfriends or start arguments with them, even though he knew that this would jeopardize the relationship.

Perry’s fear of abandonment was a major obstacle to his recovery. However, with the help of his friends, family, and therapist, he was able to overcome this fear and develop a healthy sense of self-worth. Perry now understands that he is worthy of love and acceptance, and he is no longer afraid of being abandoned.

StoryShot 3: Fame Can Lead to Isolation, Loneliness, and Substance Abuse

Fame can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it can bring wealth, success, and popularity. On the other hand, it can also lead to isolation, loneliness, and substance abuse.

Matthew Perry writes about how he struggled with isolation and loneliness after becoming famous. He felt surrounded by people who were only interested in him for his fame and money. This made him feel like he couldn’t trust anyone.

For example, Perry describes how he would often go to parties and events, but he would feel like he was on display rather than enjoying himself. He also describes how he would often be approached by people who only wanted to talk about his work or ask him for autographs. This made Perry feel like he wasn’t being seen as a person, but rather as a celebrity.

Perry’s isolation and loneliness led him to turn to drugs and alcohol to cope. He writes about how he would drink heavily to numb his feelings and to feel more confident in social situations. However, Perry’s drinking only made his isolation and loneliness worse. He began to push away his friends and family, and he became more and more dependent on drugs and alcohol.

Perry’s story is a reminder that fame does not protect people from isolation, loneliness, and addiction. In fact, these problems can be even more acute for celebrities, who are often surrounded by people who are not genuinely interested in them.

StoryShot 4: Community is Essential For Recovery

Recovery is a lifelong process, and it is important for people in recovery to have a strong support system. This support system can include friends, family, therapists, and other people in recovery.

Matthew Perry writes about how his friends and family played a crucial role in his recovery. They were always there for him, even when he was at his worst. Perry describes how his friends would often pick him up from rehab and take him to meetings. They would also check in on him regularly to make sure that he was doing okay.

Perry also credits his fellow addicts in recovery with helping him to stay sober. He writes about how they understood what he was going through, and they provided him with support and encouragement. He would often call his fellow addicts in recovery when he was feeling tempted to use drugs or alcohol. They would talk him through his cravings and help him to stay sober.

Here are some specific examples of how Perry’s support system helped him in recovery:

  • His friends and family helped him to stay accountable. They would check in on him regularly and make sure that he was attending meetings and working his program.
  • His fellow addicts in recovery provided him with understanding and support. They understood what he was going through, and they could offer him advice and encouragement.
  • His therapist helped him to understand his addiction and to develop coping mechanisms. She also helped him to work through any underlying issues that may have contributed to his addiction.

StoryShot 5: Forgiveness is a Key step in Recovery

Forgiveness is an important step in the recovery process. It allows people to let go of anger and resentment, which can help them to focus on their own healing.

Matthew Perry writes about how forgiveness was a key step in his recovery. He had to forgive himself for his mistakes, such as the times he had lied, cheated, and stolen. He also had to forgive the people who had hurt him in the past, such as his father who had abandoned him when he was young. Perry writes that forgiveness was not easy, but it was essential for his recovery.

Here are some specific examples of how forgiveness helped Perry in recovery:

  • Forgiving himself allowed him to stop beating himself up for his mistakes. He was able to accept that he had made mistakes, but that he was not a bad person.
  • Forgiving the people who had hurt him allowed him to let go of his anger and resentment. He was able to realize that these people were not perfect, and that they had probably hurt him unintentionally.
  • Forgiveness allowed him to focus on his own healing. He was no longer wasting his energy on anger and resentment. Instead, he could focus on getting better and living a healthy and fulfilling life.

StoryShot 6: It is Important to Give Back to Others Who Are Struggling With Addiction

One of the best ways to stay sober is to help others in recovery. Helping others can give people a sense of purpose and meaning in life. It can also help them to stay connected to their own recovery.

Matthew Perry was involved in several organizations that help people to recover from addiction, such as the Phoenix House and the Prevention Institute. He also spoke at schools and events about his experiences with addiction and recovery. He also sponsored other people in recovery. Perry writes that helping others helped him to stay sober and connected to his own recovery.

Here are some specific examples of how helping others helped Perry in recovery:

  • It gave him a sense of purpose and meaning in life. Perry felt good about himself knowing that he was using his experiences to help others.
  • It helped him to stay connected to his own recovery. When he was helping others, he was reminded of his own struggles and how far he had come.
  • It gave him hope. Seeing others recover gave Perry hope that he could stay sober as well.

StoryShot 7: It is Possible to Overcome Addiction

Recovery is a long and difficult process, but it is possible to overcome addiction. Matthew Perry’s memoir, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, is a story of hope and recovery. He shows that even people who have struggled with addiction for many years can find recovery.

Perry writes about how he struggled with addiction for over 20 years. He had many setbacks along the way, but he never gave up. He writes that the most important thing was to keep trying.

Here are some specific examples of how Perry overcame setbacks in his recovery:

  • He had several relapses, but he always picked himself up and started again. He knew that relapse was a part of the recovery process, and he didn’t let it discourage him.
  • He went to rehab many times. He knew that he needed professional help to recover, and he was willing to do whatever it took.
  • It is important to find a recovery program that works for you, and to stick with it. He says that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to recovery.

StoryShot 8: Recovery is a Lifelong Journey

Recovery is not a one-time event. It is a lifelong journey that requires ongoing effort and commitment. Matthew Perry had learned to manage his cravings and stay vigilant about his recovery. He writes that he had to be “constantly working on” his recovery, but that it was worth it.

Perry writes about how he has to be careful about his triggers. He knows that certain people, places, and things can trigger his cravings. He also knows that certain situations, such as stress or boredom, can make him more likely to relapse. Perry has learned to identify his triggers and develop strategies for coping with them.

StoryShot 9: Sharing Your Story Can Help Others

Matthew Perry wrote his memoir to share his story of addiction and recovery with others. He hoped that his story would inspire and encourage others who are struggling with addiction. Perry believes that sharing stories of recovery can help to break down the stigma associated with addiction and make it easier for people to seek help.

Perry writes about how he felt ashamed and embarrassed about his addiction for many years. He kept his addiction a secret from his friends, family, and colleagues. However, Perry eventually realized that sharing his story could help others. He decided to write his memoir in order to help others who are struggling with addiction.

Perry says that he has received many letters from people who have been inspired by his story and he finds this very rewarding.

StoryShot 10: It is Important to Find Meaning and Purpose in Life

It is important to find meaning and purpose in life in order to stay sober. Having a sense of purpose can give people something to live for and can help them to stay motivated on their journey to recovery. Perry found his purpose in helping others to recover from addiction. He also found meaning in his work as an actor and in his relationships with his friends and family.

Perry writes about how he started volunteering at a rehab center after he got sober. He says that helping others to recover from addiction is rewarding. Perry also writes about how he enjoys his work as an actor. Acting was a way for him to express himself and to connect with others. Perry also writes about how his friends and family are very important to him. He says that he is grateful for their love and support.

Perry believes that finding meaning and purpose in life is essential for recovery. He says that when people have something to live for, they are less likely to relapse. Perry also believes that having strong relationships with others can help people to stay sober.

Final Summary and Review

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing is a powerful and moving memoir about addiction and recovery. Matthew Perry candidly shares his own experiences, and he offers hope and encouragement to others who are struggling. The book is well-written and engaging, and it is sure to inspire readers.

Overall, we highly recommend Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing to anyone who is interested in learning more about addiction and recovery. It is a powerful and inspiring story that will stay with you long after you finish reading it.

Rating

We rate Matthew Perry’s memoir 4.1/5. How would you rate Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing?

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Related Book Summaries

What is Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing about?

Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing is a memoir by Matthew Perry, exploring his journey through fame, addiction, and personal growth, while reflecting on his experiences with friends and loved ones.

Who is the author of Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing?

The author of Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing is Matthew Perry, renowned for his role as Chandler Bing on the iconic TV show Friends.

When was Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing published?

Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing was published on November 1, 2022.

Where can I buy Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing?

You can buy Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing at major retailers like Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and independent bookstores.

What themes are explored in Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing?

The themes in Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing include friendship, love, addiction, recovery, and the challenges of navigating fame.

Is Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing suitable for all ages?

Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing is intended for adult readers due to its candid discussions of addiction and personal struggles.

Are there any notable stories from Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing?

Yes, Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing includes memorable anecdotes about Perry’s time on Friends, his relationships, and his battles with addiction.

How has Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing been received by critics?

Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing has received positive reviews for its honesty, humor, and insightful reflections on life and addiction.

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