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Learning is everything. But have you been too busy to learn what you want? Has The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida been gathering dust on your bookshelf? Or have you wondered what this book is all about?
The Way of The Superior Man details how to become a better, more evolved man, or person with masculine energy. It encourages acceptance of your inner masculine and feminine energies so you can take charge of your life and be a better person.
Keep reading to learn about the top 8 key takeaways of The Way of The Superior Man.
David Deida: The Man Behind the Book
David Deida is considered one of the key leaders in the self-development community. He has written 10 books throughout his life, all of which have been published in 25 languages.
These books aim to help men and women grow, both spiritually and sexually. His most known works are The Way of the Superior Man, Finding God Through Sex, and Blue Truth. In 2000, he also published his autobiographical novel, Wild Nights.
Deida is also a founding associate of Integral Institute and worked in and with several universities. He has conducted research and taught at institutions such as the University of California, San Jose State University, and the Lexington Institute, to name a few. His scope extends to the international sphere as well, having taught and conducted research at Ecole Polytechnique in Paris.
Deida also leads several workshops with a specific focus on intimacy and spiritual growth.
The Way of The Superior Man: A Summary
Despite what the title might suggest, this book is not only for men. Like the rest of Deida’s works, The Way of the Superior Man aims to help people of all genders and sexual orientations live to their full potential.
It aims to guide people on how to navigate modern love, intimacy, spirituality, and work. The Way of The Superior Man, as stated by Deida, is a guide for the “evolving man.” It’s a guide on how not to be a King Kong macho man or the modern-day androgynous Mr. Nice Guy – as he puts it.
Throughout the book, Deida explains how to become the perfect mix; a person with a heart and backbone. It encourages people to embrace both their masculine and feminine qualities so they can lead fuller lives.
Deida also explains that by doing so, you can understand yourself and your partner better. By embracing your masculine qualities, you can guide your more feminine partner easier.
Storyshot #1: A Man’s Way
The opening chapter of The Way of The Superior Man is all about the way a man (or someone with masculine energy) traditionally lives their life. As you might have deduced, this way is very different from a woman’s way (someone with feminine energy).
The first section of this book encourages one to forgo the traditional aspects of living “like a man.” Deida implores readers to accept that life is ongoing and that things never end. Instead of hoping for the completion of anything in life, live in the moment and accept that there will always be new challenges to face and overcome.
How to Live Like a Man
The Way of The Superior Man encourages those with masculine energy to accept their more feminine sides. Living with an open heart is good and welcoming, despite the possibility of getting hurt. It tosses aside the idea of “boys don’t cry.” Instead, accept your emotions, and let them out when needed.
By accepting your emotions, you also learn how to live life with love. You should live life the way you should make love – to magnify love, openness, and depth.
Living life to your potential goes one step further, however. You need to accept who you are, by knowing what your why is. Once you’ve established your true purpose, hold onto it. If necessary, restructure your life around your why.
But you should also know your edge or limits. Every person has a capacity for growth or their uppermost limits. Where this limit/edge may be is not what’s important, though. The key part to knowing your edge is to live by it.
In other words, live up to your potential, not below it.
In the same vein, The Way of The Superior Man encourages people to live as if their father were dead. In a metaphorical sense of course. The essence of this takeaway, however, is to not live in anyone’s shadow. You are your own person, with your own why and edge.
While you’re living your life to your full potential, you should also remember to accept criticism Deida explains that it’s in a woman’s nature to be hurt by it, but a man should take it in stride.
The main overarching theme, though, is to do everything in your power to achieve your purpose. Shift your life around your purpose, rather than shifting your purpose around your life.
Storyshot #2: Dealing with Women
Of course, you cannot live life without taking into consideration the aspect of a partner. Whether it’s a woman or a partner with feminine energy, The Way of The Superior Man gives insight on how to deal with them properly.
For one, Deida states that your purpose should come before any relationship, even romantic ones. By placing your purpose below your relationship, you “cheat your woman of an authentic man.”
Additionally, you should stop hoping your woman or partner gets easier to deal with. The Way of The Superior Man details that a challenging partner is a good partner. They will encourage you to reach your full potential.
On the flip side, however, Deida takes a slight turn. While he encourages loving your partner/woman wholly and accepting their challenges, tolerating their “moods” is never good. Tolerating this leads to resentment later.
In Loving Your Woman Wholly, Deida Suggests a Few Simple Things:
For one, accept that women aren’t liars. Understand that their truth is based on their emotions at that moment. While this can be challenging, you also shouldn’t analyze your feminine energy partner. Because they’re inconsistent (thanks to their emotions), no analysis can pin them down.
The Way of The Superior Man likens people with feminine energy to the weather. Accept that it’s inconsistent, and that stormy weather passes eventually.
You should also always praise your woman – as they grow by it. Unlike people with masculine energy, who thrive when challenged.
In contradiction to some of his points about moods, though. Deida encourages giving your partner love to negate what he calls “drama.”
Storyshot #3: Working with Polarity and Energy
The Way of The Superior Man also deals with the polarity of individuals. To reach your highest self, you need to consider the polarities and energies of the feminine person you want in your life.
Deida essentially has his take on the old saying “opposites attract.”
For one, if you’re a masculine person, you need to accept the inevitability of finding more feminine people attractive. And vice versa. Allow this attraction to flourish.
When choosing a partner, Deida encourages doing so wisely. Love, according to him, is a very simple equation. Because of the attraction dynamic between masculine and feminine people, it’s important to choose someone who is your complimentary opposite.
Deida explains, though, that despite choosing wisely, you will naturally always want more than one woman. But you shouldn’t act upon these desires.
Storyshot #4: What Women Really Want
The Way of The Superior Man details what women or people with feminine energy really want and desire.
Deida explains that what they want, is not what they say they want. He highlights that masculine and feminine people have different “languages.” Instead of trying to dissect these languages, you’re encouraged to see the “outbursts” and differences as tests. You can pass these tests by magnifying love.
The main difference in language revolves around your feminine partner’s complaints. Notably, The Way of The Superior Man showcases that their complaints are content-free. Meaning they’re indicators of mood, rather than truth. The book encourages you to act with love, as seen in the Dealing with Women section.
Additionally, when your partner complains, you need to understand that your track record is meaningless. No matter if you rarely do anything wrong, the issue at hand is what’s important to your partner. Deida explains that men base their behaviors on past behavior, whereas women don’t.
One of the key things Deida claims a woman doesn’t want, despite her requests, is to be your first priority. Women, and people with feminine energy, desire a partner who takes the lead and places their purpose above all else. This way they can achieve what they truly desire – relaxation, while you take the lead in all aspects.
Storyshot #5: The Dark Side
Much like Star Wars, The Way of The Superior Man highlights that everyone has a dark side. In your quest to become your true self, it’s important not to lose track of it. Instead, embrace it. Your dark side is highly desirable to women (unless you’re Padmé).
If you don’t own this darkness within you, you eventually weaken your masculine capacity. Which in turn reduces your ability to face the unknown and love your partner effectively.
Storyshot #6: Feminine Attractiveness
The Way of The Superior Man goes into detail about what makes the feminine so attractive to the masculine.
First, you need to acknowledge that there will always be an abundance of feminine energy in women. However, the amount each express is different. Deida suggests that there is resistance to receiving, trusting, and embracing their femininity.
He encourages everyone to embrace their feminine energies as life itself is feminine.
Throughout the book, Deida states that younger women express the kind of feminine energy that men desire. But he also encourages people to not overlook the feminine attractiveness of older women. Older women are wise and powerful and should be encouraged to express their “magic.”
You’re also encouraged to act on your desires and attraction to women or feminine people, rather than bottling them up. However, when acting on these desires, you need to understand that her appearance is only one part of her attractiveness.
Storyshot #7: Body Practices
Because the sexual aspect of relationships is important, The Way of The Superior Man details how you can be better at it.
Deida explains that the masculine need to have control over their ejaculations. If you don’t, you can’t and won’t meet your partner’s needs. One way to gain control is by learning to convert your ejaculation into a whole body, brain, and heart orgasm.
Additionally, you should breathe down your front. Do so calmly, with feeling and intent. This forces you to keep your body open, freeing attention from neurotic self-concern.
How does this help with the physical aspect of a relationship? Well, Deida explains that through this breathing technique you can convert your ejaculation. Breathing this way contracts your pelvic floor, drawing energy up the spine. The resulting orgasm is rejuvenating and transformative.
Storyshot #8: Men and Women’s Yoga Intimacy
Deida’s “yoga intimacy” details the last set of instructions to becoming a Superior Man. You’re encouraged to understand your own and your partner’s needs and desires, which are different based on your energies.
The more masculine energy a person has, the more important their mission in life is to them. But the more feminine a person is, the more important and intimate relationship is to them. To have a successful relationship, both partners need to accept this primary asymmetry.
Because of this asymmetry, each partner’s role is different in a relationship. A man is responsible for a woman’s mood, openness to her femininity, and depth of love. A woman, on the other hand, is responsible for her partner’s bodily energy. Deida details that the direction and growth of a relationship solely land on the man’s shoulders.
You’re also encouraged to insist on practice and growth. Not only for yourself but for your partner. Because a Superior Man inspires his partner to walk the road that best serves her growth and happiness, too.
If you’re struggling with your purpose, The Way of The Superior Man encourages surrounding yourself with like-minded people. Instead of falling into the traditional man’s need for solitude, embrace your femininity. Women flourish when in the company of other like-minded women. Seek out friends who have the same goals as you, in other words.
The last lesson to be learned in this book is all about release or “dissolving.” A man’s greatest desire, according to Deida, is to be released. In all aspects of your life, release yourself without fear.
The Key Takeaways of The Way of The Superior Man
The key takeaways of The Superior Man by David Deida are quite simple. To become an evolved man, you should own your darkest desires, while embracing both your feminine and masculine energies.
The most important point, however, is to find your purpose and put it above everything else, including your partner. This not only encourages self-improvement but also the evolution of modern man.