No More Mr. Nice Guy summary
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No More Mr Nice Guy Summary, Review and Quotes | Robert Glover

A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life

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Synopsis

No More Mr. Nice Guy is a 2003 self-help book by Dr. Robert A. Glover. He describes what he calls the “Nice guy Syndrome.” This syndrome is a condition in men who appear to be always nice and try to avoid conflict.

In the first part of the book, Dr. Robert Glover describes what a Nice Guy is and how these Nice Guys operate. Unfortunately for the Nice Guys, their approach to life will prevent them from reaching their goals. In fact, their approach is likely to do more damage than good.

Later in the book, Dr. Robert Glover delves into the nitty-gritty and shows us how to eliminate Nice Guy Syndrome. Subsequently, Robert offers a healthier solution.

Dr. Robert A. Glover’s Perspective

Dr. Glover is an internationally recognized authority on the so-called Nice Guy Syndrome. He is a frequent guest on radio talk shows and featured in numerous local and national publications.

Dr. Glover is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of Washington. He works with individuals and couples to identify the symptoms of the Nice Guy Syndrome. 

He leads therapy groups and seminars around the country and is the co-director of the Center for Healing and Recovery.

Not only that, but he has transformed thousands of “Nice Guys” from passive, bitter victims into empowered men. As well as personal changes, these men also undergo changes in their professional careers and intimate relationships.

Dr. Glover founded Total Personal Integration (TPI) University in 2012 to better help men and women put their intention into action.

Introduction

Do you avoid conflict and try to please others at all costs? Does the approval of others make you feel best? Are you trying to convince women that you’re different from other men? If so, you might be a Nice Guy. A Nice Guy believes being passive and pleasing others will make them happy. A Nice Guy struggles to get his needs met because he does his best to ignore them. This leads to a lot of resentment or rage.

No More Mr. Nice Guy is a bestselling self-help book by Dr. Robert A. Glover. He describes what he calls the “Nice Guy Syndrome.” This syndrome is a condition in men who appear always to be friendly and try to avoid conflict.

In the first part of the book, Dr. Glover describes what a Nice Guy is and how these Nice Guys operate. Unfortunately for the Nice Guys, their approach to life will prevent them from reaching their goals. In fact, their approach is likely to do more harm than good.

Later in the book, he delves into the nitty-gritty and shows us how to eliminate Nice Guy Syndrome. Afterwards, he offers a healthier solution.

StoryShot #1: Reclaim Your Personal Power and Masculinity

If you have Nice Guy Syndrome, it’s usually because you were forced to give up some of your personal power as a result of your childhood circumstances. You may have grown so used to making that sacrifice as an adult that you’ve locked yourself into a career or relationship that fulfills that expectation. But it may lead you to feeling frustrated, helpless, and resentful. You feel more out of control when you approach life with the coping techniques you developed as a child.

So, how can you reclaim your personal power?

For starters, when you have personal power, you believe you can deal with unpleasant situations. You recognize that you are human and that you experience fear from time to time, but you also believe in your ability to overcome obstacles on your own.

Being honest with yourself about your needs, weaknesses, and desires is an important part of reclaiming your personal power. You must become comfortable sharing your feelings and opinions. It’s fine if expressing these leads some people to leave you. Those who care about you will value your feelings and thoughts even if they disagree with them. Accept that you can’t influence or manage how others feel about you, and that you may experience rejection and criticism occasionally. 

Reclaiming your masculinity goes hand in hand with reclaiming your personal power. To various men, being a man means different things, and it’s your responsibility to figure out what that means to you

Embracing your masculinity entails forming strong bonds with other men and seeking a mentor, particularly if you don’t have a father. There’s no reason to feel bad about engaging in hobbies and connections that bring you joy.

StoryShot #2: Have Higher Standards and Don’t Accept Second-Hand Behavior

If you are too nice to people, somebody will take advantage of you. Both men and women take advantage of guys who try to be amiable all the time. So, what do you do to stop this from happening? The answer is to have higher standards for how people should treat you.

For example, imagine you’re with a group of friends. One of these friends makes a joke about you, and everyone starts laughing. Banter is a natural part of male friendship groups, so it is normal. Consider if your friend kept making jokes about you every time you saw each other. In this case, these jokes have gone from being lighthearted and fun to outright disrespectful. At this time, it is time to say something to him about it.

So, to stop being too nice, you have to set high standards for yourself and others’ behaviors. If the girl you like is always playing hard to get, you need to know your limit. If she persistently falls below your high standards, you should cut her off immediately. Apply these standards to all areas of your life. Never tolerate any behavior that crosses the line or disrespects you.

StoryShot #3: Speak With Conviction

One of the fastest ways to tell if a man is too nice is to pay close attention to how he says something. A man who’s too nice tends to speak with little conviction or with no personality. He wants to avoid hurting your feelings or any conflicts, so he will say what you want to hear instead of what he really believes.

Speaking with conviction is a powerful way of demonstrating to other people that you know what you want. It also shows that you’re confident in what you say. So, when someone asks you something, make sure that your words show your conviction. It will be easier for the person on the other end of the conversation to listen and understand your point of view.

If you want to speak with conviction, here are the four things you need to control:

  1. Keep your voice at an even volume. 
  2. Keep it at a steady pace.
  3. Avoid shouting.
  4. Don’t talk over people.

StoryShot #4: Stop Agreeing So Much

Agreeing with someone is an easy thing to do. We all do it subconsciously, but every so often, it isn’t the most helpful thing for your wellbeing. Studies show that people perceive those who always agree with others as less intelligent and less confident.

If you’re the man who always agrees with people, simply practice disagreeing with other people on purpose. You can start that by disagreeing with people about little things. For example, if you enjoyed a movie and your friend didn’t, you should challenge them and try to understand why they think it was disappointing. Ask them what points they were disappointed by and come up with counter-arguments to the points you disagree with.

StoryShot #5: Tracking Your Good Deeds Leads to Resentment and Anger

Tracking your good deeds is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. This can be one of the most significant sources of frustration for nice men.

Nice Guys will do something pleasant for someone, especially girls, and then keep track of that deed. This deed is one of the hundreds of other nice things they have done for people. Nice Guys will then secretly expect something in return. The attractive girl that a Nice Guy is trying to impress is not keeping track of these deeds.

Tracking good deeds can be the cause of many problems for Nice Men. Anger is a common emotion associated with giving good deeds without people reciprocating. It is also common for Nice Guys to start to resent those who do not repay their good deeds. This feeling of being indebted is not healthy and will only lead to negative emotions. Dr. Glover does not recommend you avoid good deeds. Do a good deed and then move on. You can enjoy the good deed at that moment, but you should not look back and use that as evidence for being indebted.


Give without expecting something in return.

No More Mr Nice Guy Quotes

“Self-respect, courage, and integrity look good ona man.” 

― Robert A. Glover #nomoremrniceguy

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“List one fear that has been controlling your life. Once you decide to confront the fear, begin repeating to yourself, “I can handle it. No matter what happens, I will handle it.” Keep repeating this mantra until you take action and stop feeling fear.” – Dr. Robert Glover

“In general, people are not drawn to perfection in others. People are drawn to shared interests, shared problems, and an individual’s life energy. Humans connect with humans. Hiding one’s humanity and trying to project an image of perfection makes a person vague, slippery, lifeless, and uninteresting.” – Dr. Robert Glover


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2 Comments

  1. The summeries will be more attractive if you summarise the book chapter wise. Don’t summarise the book in one go, instead summarise the book in chapter. It will be more helpful.

    1. Thanks for the feedback, Mahesh! The challenge with chapter by chapter summaries, in our experience, is that they can be much longer (and take 20-30 min to read). We also try to not “replace” reading the actual book. What are your thoughts on these?

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