An Introduction to Nonverbal Communication
Your ability to interact with others depends on how well you understand their body language.
What Every Body is Saying explains how to analyze various gestures and expressions in the body. It offers valuable tips for understanding the underlying meaning.
Researchers in social psychology have studied body language for years. They have discovered countless ways of decoding human cues, from handshakes and facial expressions to posture.
You can learn to decode mixed messages with Joe Navarro’s book “What Every Body is Saying.” Keep reading to get a summary of the key takeaways.
What is nonverbal communication, and why is it important in communication?
Navarro defines nonverbal communication (NVC) as “all intentional and unintentional behaviors and characteristics that send messages in the absence of speech or writing.”
NVC is important in communication because it can reveal what a person is thinking or feeling, even if they try to hide it.
NVC can also send deliberate messages, such as when a person crosses their arms to show they are not open to suggestions.
How Can You Use NVC to Read People?
- Navarro outlines three ways to use NVC to read people
- Look for clusters of nonverbal cues that reveal inner states
- Look for changes in behavior that reveal what a person is feeling
- Use context to interpret nonverbal cues
For example, if you see a person crossing their arms and legs while talking to you, they may be feeling uncomfortable or defensive. But if you are in a cold room and are rubbing their arms, they may simply be trying to warm up.
It’s important to remember that nonverbal cues express emotions. The “why” behind the feeling can get misunderstood in our interpretation. Context is key to reading nonverbal cues correctly.
Joe Navarro is a former FBI agent and has written several books on body language and nonverbal communication. He wrote this book to share his expertise on the topic and help people learn how to read nonverbal cues.
StoryShot #1: Nonverbal Communication is Unconscious
Nonverbal communication is the way for people to give off thoughts and feelings that are hard to control or conceal. We can better understand what someone thinks about a topic by looking at their nonverbal cues.
The Limbic System
があります。 limbic brain is the region that controls emotional responses, and it plays a huge role in body language. The limbic system is unconscious, so we are not always aware of what we are feeling or communicating nonverbally.
The limbic brain handles the evaluation of stimuli. It can distinguish between safe or threatening situations. It also has connections with body reflexes and can cause a fight, flight, or freeze response to stress.
The Neocortex
The Neocortex functions as the “thinking brain.” It handles higher-level cognition, such as language and reasoning.
The neocortex can override the limbic system in some situations. For example, if you see a snake and your limbic system triggers a fear response, your neocortex can stop you from running away or screaming.
The neocortex can also help you to control your nonverbal communication. For example, if you are nervous about giving a presentation, your neocortex can help you manage your body language and present confidently.
StoryShot #2: Our Bodies React to Different Situations with Fight, Flight, or Freeze Responses
When we are under stress, our bodies may react in several ways. The three most common reactions are fight, flight, or freeze.
Fight Response
When we feel cornered or threatened, our bodies may prepare for a physical altercation. We may see this response in aggressive or confrontational behavior.
Nonverbal cues for the fight response manifest as taking up more space. Someone in a fight response may make themselves look more prominent with a wide stance and puffed chest.
Flight Response
When we feel threatened, our bodies may also prepare to flee the situation. We may see this response in avoidance behavior or the desire to escape.
The flight response shows up as trying to distance yourself from whatever is causing stress physically. We may express discomfort by covering our eyes, turning away, or pointing our feet away from the source of anxiety.
Freeze Response
Stress or fear can also cause our bodies to enter a state of immobility. We may see this response in helplessness or in the inability to move.
People in a freeze response are unconsciously trying to be more minor and unnoticeable. They may remain very still, keep their arms close to their body, or hunch over to appear smaller.
StoryShot #3: We Use Pacifying Behaviors to Self-Soothe
We express comfort or discomfort through our nonverbal cues. When we feel stressed, we may engage in pacifying behaviors to self-soothe.
Pacifying behaviors are any actions we do to comfort ourselves in stress. These behaviors are usually unconscious and are often expressed through kinesic or proxemic cues.
Common pacifying behaviors include:
- Touching our face or hair
- Rubbing our hands together
- Clenching our fists
- Rocking back and forth
- Rubbing the tops of our legs when seated
Signs of Comfort
We assume a relaxed stance that takes up less space when comfortable. We may also see signs of comfort in people’s faces, such as softening the features or a genuine smile.
Comfort is often expressed through proxemic cues, such as moving closer to someone or making eye contact. We may also see people touching themselves in a comforting way, such as stroking their hair or rubbing their hands together.
Signs of Discomfort
Discomfort is often expressed through proxemic cues, such as moving away from someone or breaking eye contact. We may also see people touching themselves to self-soothe, such as clenching their fists or rubbing the tops of their legs.
StoryShot #4: We Take Up Space When We are Confident, and We Make Ourselves Small When We are Insecure
Understanding nonverbal cues of confidence, insecurity, dominance, and deference is a powerful tool to have in the workplace.
コンフィデンス
Confidence is often expressed through kinesic cues, such as taking up space and making eye contact. We may also see people standing or sitting with good posture, keeping their chin up, and speaking with a clear voice.
Taking up more space is claiming territory and showing others that we are comfortable in our surroundings. We may do this by spreading out our arms and legs, standing up straight, or taking up as much space as possible when we are seated.
Insecurity
Insecurity is often expressed through kinesic cues, such as making oneself small, avoiding eye contact, and slouching.
Trying to appear more minor makes us less conspicuous and less likely to be noticed. We may also see people speaking with a trembling voice or touching themselves nervously.
Dominance
Dominance is often expressed through kinesic cues, such as taking up space and making eye contact. We may also see people speaking loud, interrupting others, and gesturing expansively.
Deference or Respect
Deference is often expressed through kinesic cues, such as making oneself small, avoiding eye contact, and speaking softly. We may also see people touching themselves nervously or averting their gaze.
When we want to show deference or submission, we make ourselves appear smaller and take up less space. This may involve hunching over, keeping our arms close to our bodies, or avoiding eye contact. We may also avoid using deep or loud voice tones.
StoryShot #5: We Use Personal Space to Control Our Interactions With Others
Each of us has an invisible bubble of personal space that we use to control our interactions with others. We usually have different comfort levels for different types of interactions.
For example, we may allow close friends and family members to enter our personal space but keep strangers at a distance.
There are four different zones of personal space:
Intimate Zone
This is the closest zone to our body and is reserved for close friends and family. We usually allow people in this zone only when we are hugged, kissed, or engaged in some other form of physical contact.
Personal Zone
This zone is for interactions with close friends, family, and acquaintances. We usually allow people in this zone when we are shaking hands, talking, or standing close together.
Social Zone
This zone is for interactions with people we don’t know well, such as co-workers, classmates, and acquaintances. We usually allow people in this zone when we are standing or sitting next to each other.
Public Zone
This is the farthest zone from our body and is reserved for strangers. We usually only allow people in this zone when we are giving a speech or presentation.
Knowing how to use personal space can help us control our interactions with others and make sure that we are comfortable with the level of intimacy.
StoryShot #5: We Light Up When We are Excited, and We Fidget When We are Nervous
We show happiness or nervousness with a similar kind of energy. Happiness might be described as “widening” while anxiety might be described as “narrowing.”
Happiness and Excitement
We express happiness and excitement by “lighting up” our faces. Our eyes may widen, and we may smile or laugh. We may also tilt our heads to the side, exposing our necks.
We express excitement and interest with our legs by bouncing them up and down or swinging them from side to side.
Nervousness and Anxiety
We express nervousness and anxiety through fidgeting behaviors. We communicate fear and anxiety through kinesic cues, such as fidgeting, fiddling with objects, tapping our feet, or crossing our arms.
Fidgeting is any repetitive movement that we do when feeling uncomfortable. Common fidgeting behaviors include:
- Tapping our foot or fingers
- Touching our face
- Playing with our hair
- Squirming in our seat
- Picking at our clothes, hair, skin, or nails
- Avoiding eye contact
Anxiety shows up as a mix of self-soothing and trying to separate oneself from the source of stress physically.
Disinterest and Boredom
We express disinterest and boredom through what is known as the “resting bitch face.” This is when we have a neutral or blank expression on our faces. We may also avoid eye contact, recline in our seats, or cross our arms.
Communicating Engagement and Interest
We express engagement and interest through what is known as “active listening.” This is when we make eye contact, nod our heads, and give verbal cues that show we are paying attention. We may also lean in or mirror the person’s body language we are talking to.
StoryShot #6: We Show Aggression with Intrusive Body Language
Anger is a primary emotion that is expressed through aggressive body language. This body language can intimidate, scare, or hurt others. Be aware of these cues to avoid escalating a situation.
We express anger and aggression through what is known as the “hard stare.” This is when we stare at someone with an intense, hostile expression. We may also clench our fists, grind our teeth, or raise our voices.
Personal Space
We also use aggressive body language to invade someone’s personal space. This may involve standing too close, touching without permission, or following someone with our eyes.
Intimidation
When we want to intimidate someone, we may make ourselves appear larger by puffing out our chest, squared shoulders, and raised eyebrows. We may also glare at the person and speak in a deep, booming voice.
StoryShot #7: We Gain Rapport by Mirroring, or Reflecting, the Body Language of Others
Rapport is a close relationship between two or more people. It is characterized by trust, understanding, and respect. We gain rapport with others by mirroring their body language.
Mirroring is when we unconsciously match the person’s body language we are talking to. This may involve matching their posture, gestures, or facial expressions.
Other ways we build rapport or express interest are in the following list:
- Eye contact
- Nodding head
- Smiling
- Matching their breathing rate
- Speaking in a similar tone or voice
Matching the body language of others is a way to build rapport and create a connection. It is a way to show that we are interested in what they have to say and understand them.
StoryShot #8: We Show Disagreement By Expressing That We Are “Closed Off”
We show disagreement through what is known as the “closed-off body language.” This is when we have our arms crossed, legs crossed, or are touching our faces. We may also avoid eye contact and have a closed-off posture.
We communicate disagreement through nonverbal cues such as:
- Crossing our arms
- Touching our face
- Shaking our head
- Sighing
- Rolling our eyes
- Avoiding eye contact
When we want to show that we disagree with someone, we may use these cues to communicate our feelings. It is essential to be aware of these cues to avoid escalations.
Final Thoughts on What Every Body is Saying
It may take time to memorize the more subtle nonverbal cues, but your intuition will usually be right. Let’s review:
StoryShot #1: Nonverbal Communication is Unconscious
We are constantly communicating through our body language, even when we are not aware of it. Our body language can reveal our true feelings and intentions.
StoryShot #2: Our Bodies React to Different Situations with Fight, Flight, or Freeze Responses
When we feel threatened, our bodies may respond with the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. This is an evolutionary response that helps us survive in dangerous situations.
StoryShot #4: We Take Up Space When We are Confident, and We Make Ourselves Small When We are Insecure
Our body language can reveal our confidence or insecurity. When we feel confident, we take up more space and have an open posture. When we feel insecure, we make ourselves small and have a closed posture.
StoryShot #5: We Use Personal Space to Control Our Interactions With Others
We use personal space to control our interactions with others. We may invade someone’s personal space to intimidate them or back away from someone to show that we are not interested.
StoryShot #5: We Light Up When We are Excited, and We Fidget When We are Nervous
We use body language to express our emotions. When we are excited, we may smile or laugh. When we are nervous, we may fidget or touch our faces.
StoryShot #6: We Show Aggression with Intrusive Body Language
We may use aggressive body language to invade someone’s personal space. This may involve standing too close, touching without permission, or following someone with our eyes.
StoryShot #7: We Gain Rapport by Mirroring, or Reflecting, the Body Language of Others
Mirroring is when we match the person’s body language we are talking to. This may involve matching their posture, gestures, or facial expressions.
StoryShot #8: We Show Disagreement By Expressing That We Are “Closed Off”
We show disagreement through what is known as the “closed-off body language.” This is when we have our arms crossed, legs crossed, or are touching our faces. We may also avoid eye contact and have a closed-off posture.
When we want to show that we disagree with someone, we may use these cues to communicate our feelings. Be aware of these cues to avoid escalations.
Understanding Nonverbal Communication
Nonverbal communication is a powerful way to build rapport, show interest, and express disagreement. Pay attention to the nonverbal cues of others, and be aware of your own body language.
With practice, you can use nonverbal communication to improve your interactions with others. Now you can see what every body is saying!
The next time you’re in a conversation, see if you can identify what the other person is feeling just by their body language. You may be surprised at how accurate you are.
What did you learn from this book? What was your favorite takeaway? Is there an important insight that we missed? Comment below or tweet to us @storyshots.
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