How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

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Life gets busy. Has Daring Greatly by Brené Brown been sitting on your reading list? Learn the key insights now.

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About Brené Brown

Brené Brown is an award-winning and renowned researcher. She received her Ph.D. in Social Work from the University of Texas at Austin. Brown is a professor at the University of Houston and holds the Huffington Foundation-Brené Brown Endowed Chair. She has studied vulnerability, courage, shame, and empathy for the past two decades. Her former work includes other books related to the topic, such as I Thought It Was Just Me (2007) and The Gift of Imperfection (2010). Brown’s TED Talks have been viewed over 40 million times, and Time magazine has named her one of the world’s most influential thinkers.

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Introduction

Daring Greatly is a book by the researcher and thought leader Brené Brown. It offers a powerful new vision to provide readers with a powerful new concept. It encourages you to embrace vulnerability and imperfection greatly and live wholeheartedly. Vulnerability and shame are at the heart of Brown’s research. We have to embrace vulnerability. In doing so, we should be happier. What’s more, you should be able to forge great relationships with yourself and others.

Unfortunately, many people believe vulnerability is a sign of weakness and failure. They see shame as a direct consequence of vulnerability. Moving past this myth makes it easier for us to try new things. This could lead to new possibilities.

Here are the ten key takeaways from Daring Greatly by Brené Brown.

StoryShot #1: Seek a Wholehearted Life, Filled with Courage, Engagement, and Purpose.

Wholeheartedness is a feeling of worth, even when you are essentially flawed. It means you focus your energy and attention on good qualities. Focus on what’s going right, instead of shortcomings.

In reality, many people end up with some notion regarding loving themselves. There’s a lot in pop culture, including songs, all meant to encourage people to be easier on themselves. Still, we are more predisposed to taking a hard stance on ourselves.

Daring Greatly shows that at the tenet of wholeheartedness are five ideals:

All people need love and a sense of belonging.
The feeling of not being worthy is central to the love we show ourselves.
We build a sense of worthiness over time. How we perceive and react to our experiences informs it.
We all want to live a life of courage, compassion, and connection at the core of our beings.
And finally, as a wholehearted individual, use vulnerability as a catalyst.

It should help you achieve courage, compassion, and connection.

StoryShot #2: Vulnerability is Central to Meaningful Existence.

When you don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable, you shut yourself off from life’s best. It would be best to look at vulnerability as engaging, playing a game, and choosing to rise to the challenge. You must be open to engaging even when you know there’s the likelihood that you won’t prevail.

The willingness to engage is a measure of courage and clarity of purpose. Look at it this way. You showcase the fear and disconnection you feel by not embracing vulnerability.

It sounds counterintuitive when you say a vulnerable individual is strong. Proclaiming people need to be vulnerable to achieve set goals sounds radical.

Understandably, you might want to avoid putting yourself in a vulnerable situation. There’s often the concern of getting hurt. But you need to look at vulnerability from a different perspective. Consider being vulnerable as a display of strength. You’ll be opening yourself up to the possibility of new relationships and experiences.

We’ve seen people admire individuals they consider vulnerable. Still, there’s very little interest in exposing themselves to vulnerability. This reflects our preference for movies and books that feature heroes. We lean towards art that shows the hero faces significant challenges. We admire said heroes when they can rise from the ashes like the proverbial Phoenix.

StoryShot #3: Vulnerability Requires That You Recognize and Appreciate Scarcity.

We are designed not only to identify scarcity, but also to shun it. We constantly think about what we do or do not have, and how much someone else has. The effect is that we constantly compare our lives with our competitors. This is a debilitating characteristic. We end up constantly trying to pursue a media-driven vision of perfection. Admittedly, that is what surrounds us.

Notably, Daring Greatly shows that scarcity elicits the same emotion that vulnerability does — shame. By failing to stop this comparison, we further propel this shame-prone culture. This perpetuates the disengagement we feel. We become inherently unable to connect with others.

Consider wholeheartedness as an antidote to scarcity. You must believe you are good enough and worthy enough that the lack of something doesn’t define you. Inadequacy doesn’t have to elicit fear. Instead, it should be the motivation you need to propel yourself to new heights.

We often assume that only the privileged compare themselves to others. They are effectively wary of scarcity. Society doesn’t need to be so divided. Simply because there’s no class mobility doesn’t mean the average individual is immune to the pinch of scarcity.

StoryShot #4: There are Countless Harmful Myths around the Notion of Vulnerability.

You need to understand the different myths around vulnerability. This will help you achieve a positive, wholesome life.

The first myth you must understand is that vulnerability equates to weakness. Vulnerability can elicit feelings of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Still, it doesn’t in any way equate to being weak.

The second myth is that people can somehow navigate and be immune to vulnerability. People think of these individuals as having refused to act or feel vulnerable.

The third myth is that people can somehow get past vulnerability. They can achieve this by sharing their secrets in what is tagged as “oversharing.” In hindsight, if you overshared with a stranger, you would end up being more vulnerable. Ultimately, this is the juxtaposition.

The fourth myth is that you can somehow overcome vulnerability by going at it alone. Consider this. You might choose to become a rugged individualist and never share your feelings. Still, you can never navigate being and feeling vulnerable.

These myths prevent you from seeing the opportunities that vulnerability presents. You should embrace vulnerability when you move past these myths. The result is that you end up living a more wholehearted life.

Unfortunately, many of us are ingrained in the myths about vulnerability. Very few can see past these myths and take advantage of or triumph in the face of vulnerability.

Often, we feel that being invulnerable means nothing can defeat us. We feel that those we constantly compete with are invincible. As such, it would be a counter-move on their part to accept their vulnerability.

StoryShot #5: Shame is Debilitating and Spreads Through People’s Lives.

The fact is people inherently have some good and evil inside them. We deal with some shame as we go about our daily lives. Suppose you cannot deal with this shame. If that’s the case, chances are you will consider yourself perpetually flawed. The consequence is that you never feel good enough to achieve what you seek.

Overall, there’s a connection between shame and the overwhelming feeling of being worthy. This extends to how we embrace vulnerability. You want to recognize the negative role that shame plays in your life. Once you do, you should be able to prevent yourself from feeling less worthy. Critically examine how it prevents you from feeling worthy and embracing vulnerability.

Let’s look at how most universities in the former Soviet Union used shame as part of their teaching style. This is an excellent example of how shame has a hold on society as we know it. The Soviet educational system used shame to belittle students routinely. To make it worse, they did this in front of the class. The devastated students would therefore end up dreading shame throughout their lives. This shaming mentality seen in the Soviet Union is what we see today. People fear asking, trying, or connecting because they dread shame.

Rating

Daring Greatly is written in a manner in which you can almost feel her talking to you in her voice. There are some kick-ass lessons within the book. Brown presents them in a non-authoritarian manner. Overall, you will enjoy the read and carry some lessons to your daily life. For this reason, we rate this book 4.5/5.

Our Score

Daring Greatly Quotes

Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.

Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.

Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them. Being vulnerable and open is mutual and an integral part of the trust-building process.

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